I suppose I Am Happy

Sometimes
I suppose I'm happy
like when I'm with my friends,
throwing my head back and covering my mouth
as I shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made

But then day turns to night
and my carefree grin turns into an unexplainable sadness,
etched on my face like a tattoo.
And I lay in bed,
thinking about all the things I wish I could say--
all the things I'm afraid to admit.
Even with only pen and paper and mind

It's night like these I realize.
I am many things.
I'm happy and sad,
outgoing and shy,
rambunctious and quiet

but mostly,
I am just empty.

Dear My Man

I like being independent
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right,you’ll be here
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait.

Dear No One, Tori Kelly

Strong & Happy

She needed to be strong if she wants to bring happiness into someone's life, she realized that

The Frozen Heart

Hospital

I came to hospital today and i still felt stiff. No one was seriously ill. It was just my dad having a silly accident. Still, I had to be there for hours, waiting. I hated the strange smell of medication. it burnt my nose. oh and the cold. yeah especially the cold. It made that memory come rushing like a bull. like a big wave wanted to drown my sanity.

I loathed to come there, to hospital

Pull and Keep

I'll keep it to my self now. I'm just used to guys i like not liking me, so, whatever.

I tend to pull away when I get closer to a guy. I’m used to being hurt, you know?

Cupid's Match

18

Well can you guys please forget that i said i hated March 21st? Because you know today was not as bad as i thought, even though I cant do anything about aging. But God showered me with many blessings. From unexpected birthday greetings to failed surprise. Also a cheesy letter from my partner in crime and a dozen doughnuts from my crazy friends. Oh and the boys gave me a stop motion video. A cute one though they end it with an embarassing photo of mine but never mind. I couldn't ask for more.

Today's events made me realize that despite growing up is a hard thing to do, God will not let me get through the hardships alone. He has sent a bunch of loving humans, such as family and friends. And by hating my birthday is not the right way to be grateful. I should have been thankful born in the middle of caring people. Please forgive my previous post, my dear Lord.

Oh and HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO ME

Sing Me

Cause all of me  

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

...
How many times do I have to tell  you

Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too

 The world is beating you down, I’m around through every move

 You’re my downfall, you’re my muse

 My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

 I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, I my head for you

It would mean a world if he could sing it for me, as a birthday present.

No One Wants to Grow Up

4 days to go until 17 turns to 18.
Everyone keeps reminding me that four days from now is my birthday. I slightly hate that. Because come one, no one wants to grow up. Even Hayley said that growing up was a hard thing to do.
So yeah just let me forget my birthday

Counting Ifs

We can always keep counting the ifs,
We all could have done something differently, but thinking about it now won't change a thing. What is done is done, and what was left undone will remain undone,

If it could bring him back, I would count all the ifs in the world

Yeah. And I would help you count them once more

Delirium

Beast, Angel, and Madman

cr http://quotesandimages.com/

[PREVIEW] Running Man Episode 188

 

Here is something just to tease you :)))

and it is unfortunate that Lee Jong Suk is not a guest in this episode but as long as he is getting better so yeah it's okay.

EXO Will possibly Come Back with 2nd Studio Album In 1st Half of 2014

Despite the big exam that awaits for me just around the corner, there are so many good news to ease my anxiety. First Big Bang and now this is even greater. My twelve gorgeous idiotic idol will possibly have their comeback!

As written on allkpop, EXO will be releasing their 2nd studio album in the first half of this year!! Yehet!! Oh plus the second half of 2014, EXO will be doing full-scale promotions in China. That means more Krease!!! /does happy dance/ Though honestly I dont know how this news will affect me regarding my high school will end with a very important exam which will be held less than two months from now. Either it will cause laziness, because i'd definitely seek more details about the news and abandon my text book, or it will be my motivation to study harder. I don't know~

Anyway, I'm beyond happy to know two of my favorites kpop musician will be back with new music and performance. Big bang will definitely have their comeback on July or august but I dont know whether exo comeback is just another rumor. Because their company's reps hasn't confirmed it. So there is also a chance this news means nothing nonetheless i hope not. On the other hand, one of netizen commented on allkpop, she claimed to know something that prove this news is not just another rumor spread by desperate fans.

  

 

But then again, who knows? Let's just wait patiently, shall not we?

source: allkpo

What The Hobbits Say

Found this on my Tumblr dashboard. It is something pretty much I can relate to /laughing/

At First...

cr: rightful owner

EXO is My Own Personal Dopamine

You know what has been producing dopamine for my brain?

This guys did it. They've been producing much dopamine and give pleasure to my over-worked brain. This bunch of idiots named EXO has made my day since three months ago. I like this group because they have many talents. The vocalists' voice are amazing. Not only the vocalists tho, the rest of the guys have descent voice too. I am so into their songs.  Though i don't understand the meaning behind the lyric. Try to listen to Angel, Don't Go, Baby Don't Cry, XOXO, their famous Growl, My Turn To Cry, The First Snow. Most of their songs are great. Oh and not to mention their dance performance and their looks. These twelve guys are exceptionally beautiful. And the last, they have this distinct talent. One time they can look like some bunch of idiots, retarded-guys but sazaaam in the blink of an eye, they turn into a group of normal guy with extraordinary looks. It's amazingly weird but i guess that's their charm.

Out of twelve, there is one guy who caught my attention. No scratch that. He caught my heart too. He has caused too much mini heart attack and hyperventilating to me. He does not only occupy the space in my laptop's storage but also my mind. He is too good to be true and his name is Kris Wu. He should be sentenced to death if looking good was a criminal. I mean look at him!

Don't fall for his smile,please. It's just his facade. He is well-known for his signature bitch face.

Look at that face

Yeah keep doing that, Kris!

Bitch Face Expert

That guy above may have the sweetest smile yet he also known to have the most obnoxious and cold expression but who cares if he is 187 cm, speaks four languages,and he can rap? I bet you dont even mind his bitch face after all. Lolz.

A Letter

Hi there, mom. How is it going up there? It’s 2014 here, is it the same over there? How are you? Have you been good? How is your hair now? Have they grown out? Still frizzy ? Oops im sorry I don’t mean to tease you, mom, but seriously it looked good on you. You’d always look good in every haircut even when you were bald back then .Okay, okay, I should stop. Why am I babbling about silly stuffs? Hahaha maybe it’s because of me missing you. That is all.

I guess I’m going to babble a lot this time hehe just to keep you informed if you haven’t taken glance down on the earth, I mean on me, on your family. If you wondered about how I’ve been doing, well I’m eventually fine here. I’ve been through a lot of rollercoaster rides. So many ups and downs but I got out, mom. Those ups and downs cause me to change. Not literally change because I’m still tiny, 150cm and proud just like the last time you left. Maybe I lost some weights but it’s because of the diet. See? I finally did it. It’s unfortunate that you aren’t to see me wearing those skirt with confidence. Well, it’s always been unfortunate since four years ago. 

I miss your presence, mom. I miss it when I went home and you sat on the couch in the living room. And then you’d scold me because I tossed my things carelessly. Well, I haven’t changed, mom, I’m sorry if I still do the usual tossing around things after I get home from school. But it releases my stress to be honest. Blame school, mom! And by the way, I will finish high school in less than three months. The big exam is just around the corner and you know what? I’m confused. I haven’t been sure about the what faculty I should choose but chill! I pick English literature as my top option but still, I’m not sure if I can get in. Therefore I’m scared…

God, Ive never been this scared and confused. I need you. I need your lecture, your scold, your comfort. I need you to say that everything is going to be okay. I know it is cliché and everyone could say it to me, but it’d be great if it came out from you. But that is just soo impossible. I know..

Well, mom, I;m sorry if this letter speaks too much insecurity of mine. I know you wouldn’t want me to be weak but I’m sorry, I’m just scared. Speaking of the impossibility, well I guess I just have to be strong like I’ve always been.

I guess this is it, Mom. I need to go back to the pile of books waiting to be read. I love you and I always will.  Please, be well. Oh, and tell Mr.God to keep blessing me with good things. Till the next letter.

Abandoned

i'm afraid i'll be the book no one reads,
music that no one listen to anymore.
i'm afraid i'll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater

Tablo

 

Spark On A Wet Log

My best friend told me that I shouldn't take a relationship too seriously regarding my predicament. "Just feel the spark. Don't let it burn you," She said. Then a question popped up in my head,

How there would be a spark if you ignite the fire on a wet log?

Meanwhile On Someone's Tumblr

http://therealitywewant.tumblr.com/

Numb

some days,
I feel everything at once
other days,
I feel nothing at all

I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
or dying from the thirst