I'll Set You Free

They say

If you love someone, set them free

The Brightest Star In Galaxy, Don't Leave

I'm sorry I cant even find words to say. This week has been the most devastating for me and about Kris seemingly leaving the boys is doing nothing right for me. Not to mention this is the first time i  become a die hard fan and this is not what I expected. Kris is my ultimate bias. No, no scratch that, He's my escape from the reality I'm living yet he said he is not happy with the state he's in.

I'm torn between rooting for his final decision (because that way he can have his freedom) and begging for him to stay so I can still have my way to escape this awful reality but that way he wont be happy and that sounds so selfish. So i dont know what to do. Im in the verge of losing the one and only escape.

I'm in a starless galaxy and the darkness is closing in

Help Me to Stop Thinking About It

cr weheartit

I'm The One

Phonecalls

031-7000-5171

It's amazing despite everything that I have to memorize, this phone number lingers forever in the back of my head. I even tried to reach you by dialing those number. I knew it was stupid but I did still hope you would pick up at the first ring because sometimes I just need to hear your soothing voice, telling me that everything is going to be okay.

08123163312

Another line to reach you. The other line was failed therefore I tried this one, wishing for a "Hello" from the other side. Mom, can you please pick up? I just want to say "Happy Mothers Day" and I love you, I miss you so much it hurts. Don't mind my frowned-face, ok? I was just having a bad day. You dont have to worry. You dont need to worry. Tell God that I feel very grateful to be your daughter. I thank you for bringing me into the world and Im sorry, really sorry that I didnt make you proud when I had my time. And i'll try to stop wishing for you to pick up the phone. I know I wouldnt need the phone just to reach you, because you're always inside my heart

Dear My Man

I like being independent
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right,you’ll be here
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait.

Dear No One, Tori Kelly

Counting Ifs

We can always keep counting the ifs,
We all could have done something differently, but thinking about it now won't change a thing. What is done is done, and what was left undone will remain undone,

If it could bring him back, I would count all the ifs in the world

Yeah. And I would help you count them once more

Delirium

A Letter

Hi there, mom. How is it going up there? It’s 2014 here, is it the same over there? How are you? Have you been good? How is your hair now? Have they grown out? Still frizzy ? Oops im sorry I don’t mean to tease you, mom, but seriously it looked good on you. You’d always look good in every haircut even when you were bald back then .Okay, okay, I should stop. Why am I babbling about silly stuffs? Hahaha maybe it’s because of me missing you. That is all.

I guess I’m going to babble a lot this time hehe just to keep you informed if you haven’t taken glance down on the earth, I mean on me, on your family. If you wondered about how I’ve been doing, well I’m eventually fine here. I’ve been through a lot of rollercoaster rides. So many ups and downs but I got out, mom. Those ups and downs cause me to change. Not literally change because I’m still tiny, 150cm and proud just like the last time you left. Maybe I lost some weights but it’s because of the diet. See? I finally did it. It’s unfortunate that you aren’t to see me wearing those skirt with confidence. Well, it’s always been unfortunate since four years ago. 

I miss your presence, mom. I miss it when I went home and you sat on the couch in the living room. And then you’d scold me because I tossed my things carelessly. Well, I haven’t changed, mom, I’m sorry if I still do the usual tossing around things after I get home from school. But it releases my stress to be honest. Blame school, mom! And by the way, I will finish high school in less than three months. The big exam is just around the corner and you know what? I’m confused. I haven’t been sure about the what faculty I should choose but chill! I pick English literature as my top option but still, I’m not sure if I can get in. Therefore I’m scared…

God, Ive never been this scared and confused. I need you. I need your lecture, your scold, your comfort. I need you to say that everything is going to be okay. I know it is cliché and everyone could say it to me, but it’d be great if it came out from you. But that is just soo impossible. I know..

Well, mom, I;m sorry if this letter speaks too much insecurity of mine. I know you wouldn’t want me to be weak but I’m sorry, I’m just scared. Speaking of the impossibility, well I guess I just have to be strong like I’ve always been.

I guess this is it, Mom. I need to go back to the pile of books waiting to be read. I love you and I always will.  Please, be well. Oh, and tell Mr.God to keep blessing me with good things. Till the next letter.

Abandoned

i'm afraid i'll be the book no one reads,
music that no one listen to anymore.
i'm afraid i'll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater

Tablo

 

Spark On A Wet Log

My best friend told me that I shouldn't take a relationship too seriously regarding my predicament. "Just feel the spark. Don't let it burn you," She said. Then a question popped up in my head,

How there would be a spark if you ignite the fire on a wet log?

Give Up

I wish I was living the life like one of those in fan fictions. Where there was someone telling him not to give up on me. I bet it could have been different.

But I live in reality where he put his hands up, not to celebrate our reunion but to give up on me, on us.

Can't I Love Again?

I used to love so much to the point I could almost forget the pain he always gave.
I used to love so much up until this heart is resistant to the ignorance he used to have.
I used to love him, so much, up until I did not want to move on and feeling happy just to keep him in my heart alive.
As stupid as it is, I used to love him so much to the point I did not want him to come back because I would always let him in back again.
I used to love so much until now I just realized, I have no more love to give.
I surprise myself by finding out that I really quit falling in love.

Hey, God, can’t I love again?

http://danketika.tumblr.com/

Sick

oh been awhile since the last time i wrote.
I just wanted to update about my oh-not-so-nteresting life.
Someone has been building his bridge to reach me. I should be glad and I was, I mean for the first couple weeks, I was happy to realize that finally someone is still taking notice on me.
But sadly I've reached the stage where i'm sick of love.

Sick of trying. Sick of falling. Im just sick of the whole idea of it.

Yet on the other hand, half of me still want to try. I guess im just afraid that if he ask me out, and we get together, in the end it wouldn't work just like the old times and i will end up crushed for the nth time.

So yeah that's my status quo.

Lonely

Numb

some days,
I feel everything at once
other days,
I feel nothing at all

I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
or dying from the thirst

Lifeless

jangan sampai ketiadaan menjadikan kamu lemah,

karena ketiadaan sepatutnya memberi arti lebih dari sekedar bersedih hati.

lately, i feel so dead, lifeless, kalau dirunut per waktu, rasanya ini titik kulminasi paling rendah dari merasa hampa.

oh well..

I’ve been complaining too much lately, no wonder I feel lifeless.

I really have a great life up to the point of nonchalant.

hey, this is just too plain.

I need to fall in love again soon, God.

http://danketika.tumblr.com 

Brief Occasion

It's only a brief occasion but it hurts. A lot.

http://danketika.tumblr.com

Bahu

Dan ketika aku yakin semuanya akan baik-baik saja karena sebelumnya pun memang seperti itu. Namun  ketika momen aku kembali meminjam bahunya untuk bersandar, kenyataan menamparku untuk sekian kalinya, ia mengedikkan bahu dan geraknya meninggalkan kesan hampa. Seperti sunyi sebelum bencana. Mulai dari situ aku merasa tidak diinginkan. Aku kembali diusir agar kembali ke tempatku semula. Iya, di zona yang pernah kusebut sebelumnya

Tiny Space

the difference between girl friend and girlfriend is that little tiny space they call the friend zone

Well it seems that tiny space is where I am now.

Hm

This is too much. Let's just give up