Here is some of untold mind I never had enough gut to say. I always afraid to speak out what my heart feels but I guess I have to say it right now or I’ll never have the chance.
It’s been two years since my mom’s death and I never say that I am really sad about it or sad maybe never describe how I feel, maybe broken is the right word. You know Mother always takes the important part of child’s life. She’s probably the sun of every child’s solar system and who knew I lost my sun in 2009. I was really confuse. I didn’t know what to do and I obviously did not know how i’m gonna survive without my mom. Since that day I lost my way and my days were really hard.
With a grieving dad who needs to be take care of, I’ve been hiding my sadness for a long time. I didn’t learn how to share my sorrow but I learned how to survive in the middle of the storm. Because I don’t wanna make my dad’s condition worse. So I always put that ‘mask’ on to manipulate the real feel but honestly, I am really broken.
To that, I am really sorry. I always want to say that i’m as sad as him but on the other hand I chose to lie and pretend that I’m okay with it. I also want to say sorry about everything. I haven’t made him proud of me. All Im doing is disappoint him.
I don’t have anything that I’m good at. Even though I’m going to the one of the greatest school in town but I’m an average student there. The high school life is taking over me. It’s changing me and I’m afraid to change because I don’t know what I'm gonna be after that. No mother, no sharing. Don’t tell me to share this insecurities with my dad. He will never understand because he also trying to distract his own sorrow or telling this to my sister. It will be...a little bit corny.
I wish my dad read this and would understand my condition because while I’m growing up, and so is my luggage.
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