June 03, 2014

I suppose I Am Happy

I suppose I'm happy
like when I'm with my friends,
throwing my head back and covering my mouth
as I shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made

But then day turns to night
and my carefree grin turns into an unexplainable sadness,
etched on my face like a tattoo.
And I lay in bed,
thinking about all the things I wish I could say--
all the things I'm afraid to admit.
Even with only pen and paper and mind

It's night like these I realize.
I am many things.
I'm happy and sad,
outgoing and shy,
rambunctious and quiet

but mostly,
I am just empty.

May 15, 2014

The Brightest Star In Galaxy, Don't Leave

I'm sorry I cant even find words to say. This week has been the most devastating for me and about Kris seemingly leaving the boys is doing nothing right for me. Not to mention this is the first time i  become a die hard fan and this is not what I expected. Kris is my ultimate bias. No, no scratch that, He's my escape from the reality I'm living yet he said he is not happy with the state he's in.

I'm torn between rooting for his final decision (because that way he can have his freedom) and begging for him to stay so I can still have my way to escape this awful reality but that way he wont be happy and that sounds so selfish. So i dont know what to do. Im in the verge of losing the one and only escape.

I'm in a starless galaxy and the darkness is closing in