The last day of 2012, it's amazing that however doomsday is still a mystery, a secret that only He knows the answer. The pages are finally running out and this is gonna be the end of 2012. Up until now If you ask me to list down some moments of the year, I couldnt do it. There are so many remarkable things that have happened, good and bad. I just can't list them down but I hate when my little me screams that the moment of the year is meeting you though there also pain came along with that blessing.
My 16th birthday is also a moment I supposed to remember. The time when I hadn't met you when my smile was sincere when everybody came up with surprises. It was the time when my ride was up in the cloud but it's okay, everyday life has been a roller coaster. I've fallen many times but eventually I've raised then stumbled and ended up falling again, it'll go on and on. But I'm putting my self as a blade now, the burden that I've faced this year is nothing but only to make me sharper.
I learn how to face the truth, I learn how to love unconditionally. I learn how to cope the pain and it's brought me to another lesson, I learn how important friends and family are. There's gonna be 365 more days to come, another roller coaster ride. I hope the burden will make me stand even taller. My heart is going to be fixed and bullet proof. No more breaking down. I may fall but God is here to give reasons to always get back up right after that. I'm gonna try harder, live happier and end up stand taller.
For anything and anyone that have stood in my way, thanks for the burden. Your actions did get me down but that only make me grow stronger. So long 2012. Whatever it is in 2013, I'm ready
December 31, 2012
December 21, 2012
Tuhan, Sampaikan Ini Untuk Ibuku
Beribu-ribu hari sudah hanya ada raga dan jiwa yang terus berusaha
Terombang-ambing akan ombak kehidupan yang fana
Terjebak di sela-sela rutinitas dunia
Raga yang terus berkelana selalu dihampiri lelah
Untuk insan yang lain mereka turut bahagia
Karena setelah perjalanan jauh,
mereka tidak perlu bingung mencari sauh
Waktu dan yang lain bagai bius dalam darah
Efeknya membuat semua duka tidak terasa
Namun meski sudah menaun, tak elak dukapun meninggalkan serpihannya
Semuanya berubah, bunda
Aku, dunia bahkan belahan jiwa yang kau cinta
Apa kabar dirimu di sana?
Sudahkah kau terima dariku setumpuk alfatihah?
Janganlah kau menengok ke bawah
Karena kerumitan di sini tak akan membuatmu bahagia
Hatiku koyak, bunda
Aku meringkuk sedemikian rupa
di kala aku membutuhkan cinta
Lembut tanganmulah yang ku rindu di saat aku merana
Namun mengharap kehadiranmu bagai mengharap semburat biru untuk senja yang selalu merah
Ke mana aku harus berlari jika lelah mematah asa?
Layaknya tiga puluh hari silam ketika seorang anak adam mencoba menoreh luka
Diriku, seorang insan tanpa bunda bingung mencari pijakan tanah
Hanya tangis yang bisa ku hasilkan, bunda
Dalam halaman ini, aku hanya bisa mengucapkan kata
Rangkaian alfabet yang mewakili detail hari ku di dunia
Bersama anak tertua aku mencoba berdiri dan menegakkan wajah
Menjalani hari dengan cintamu di hati kita
Aku ingin tumbuh sepertimu, bunda
Tangguh nan kuat bagai baja
Komplikasi dunia sudah pernah kau rasa dan kau pun tidak melemah
Ke tidakberadaanmu bukan berarti kau kalah
Hanya habis lembar saja yang membuat bunda hanya berupa nama
Di sini aku akan terus berusaha
Meski gelas akan penuh dengan hampa
Meski asa diambang patah
Bersama kakak, serta cintamu aku akan terus melangkah
Terima kasih telah menaungiku selama yang kau bisa
Dengan ini ku berkata bahwa rindu tidak akan ada habisnya
Bunda, bahagialah di sana
Tunggulah sepasang ananda-ananda ini untuk kembali berkumpul bersama di dalam surgaNya
Selamat Hari Ibu
Selalu di Hati
Secercah perubahan tertoreh seraya sebuah langkah terangkat untuk pergi
Dahulunya kokoh bagai serumpun lidi
Namun derap langkah yang kau ambil mencipta ringkih
Langkahmu menggema, merubah keutuhan menjadi serpih
Hancur, hancur benar batin ini
Berkelana aku mencoba menghindari
Berkucing-kucingan dengan gema masa lalu berupa memori
Tidak sekedar jalan lurus kulalui
Serangkaian kelokan, kerikil serta tikungan yang kutemui
Gelas kebahagiaan bagai umur diri
Bukan bertambah melainkan berkurang untuk sekian kali
Tidak setengah penuh, namun separuh hampa, sunyi
Senyum tulus yang dulu deras bagai tsunami
Kini hanya topeng yang mengganti
Alhasil gelasku nyaris kering, hanya udara yang datang dan pergi
mengisi separuh sisi
Senyum palsu berubah menjadi selotip yang menegakkan diri
Kesabaran yang luas bagai samudera menjadi alasan mengapa hatiku masih bisa mengasihi
Kepalsuan menggelitik sang pencipta untuk menganugerahkan pengganti
Ia membuka mataku yang sembap untuk menilik sekali lagi
Cinta tidak hanya tumbuh dari seorang lelaki
Namun ia punya anugerah lain yang lebih berarti
yaitu Kawan sejati
Anugerah yang selama ini terlewati
CiptaanNya yang dapat mengasihi
Tanpa lara, tanpa rumit di hati
Kegilaan menumbuhkan senyum yang tersembunyi
Kekonyolan menghangatkan dinginnya hati
Gurauan lantas mengganti,
mengaburkan pedihnya masa lalu yang sudah terjadi
Sosok mereka layaknya penopang kebahagiaanku yang terlanjur ringkih
Kini mereka menjadi mata air yang mengisi
gelasku tak lagi hampa nan sunyi
Bukan setengah kosong namun hampir penuh lagi
sejuta, bermilyar kata terima kasih tidak sanggup mengapresiasi
Doaku kini berhiaskan nama mereka,
Kuluangkan waktu untuk mengucap syukur pada tuhan akan keeksistensian mereka yang kini menemani
Terima kasih, Tuhan, karena Engkau telah menyadarkan diri ini
Menyingkap salahnya asumsi bahwa sebentar lagi aku akan tenggelam dalam sedih
Namun Tuhan, engkaulah zat yang paling mengerti bahwa tidak harus bersedih untuk menuju keutuhan diri
Engkau bagai peta yang membimbingku bahwa ada jalan lain untuk bersenang hati dan itu adalah mereka, kawan yang selalu di hati
December 15, 2012
day 30
your scent
your name
your back
your presence
your promises
Italy
Remembering Sunday
Skyfall
Guitar
It's been a month now but how can I forget you when you gave me so much to remember ?
I go everywhere, doing things out of frustration, searching for words to calm me down.
"You'll be fine," they said.
"You'll forget about him," they told me.
Always the same and now those sentence sound cliche.
It's easier said than done.
I smile but I die a little when I see you with someone else
I live but I can barely breathe when I know that you're having a blue sky life over there.
But someone wise said something,
You feel hurt so much when you recall the memories. It's not that you can't forget it. It's because you involve too much feeling. It won't hurt that much when you reminisce without any feeling. So just forgive him for what he did. Live your life. Dont waste your time for even thinking about someone who doesnt even think about you.
The next day, up until now even, I've stopped my feeling to get involved.
I dont want to grieve while you've moved on.
I know that I still feel something for you but it's wrong.
So yeah, I wish the day after this, I'd totally stand so tall.
I will smile sincerely when you're already happy (I believe) with someone that can change you. If you're happy then I should be too.
I will live my life to the fullest because I learn something from what we've been through
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
Tiga Puluh Hari Yang Lalu
Hai, kamu, iya kamu.
Masih ingat di siang bolong bulan november lalu ketika dengan bodohnya kamu mengirim pesan bahwa kita lebih baik tidak melanjutkan semuanya?
Dengan lelah yang sudah terakumulasi, aku mengira kalau kamu hanya bercanda namun mimpi apa yang datang pada bolongnya siang.
Mereka hanya kumpulan kata-kata yang kau rangkai sedemikian rupa, namun bagiku kalimat itu seperti kepalan tangan Mike Tyson yang dengan tanpa ampunnya mendarat di dadaku. Membacanyapun bagai mengunyah antibiotik yang diberi dokter setiap aku terkena radang.
Namun momen setelah kejadian itulah yang kini meninggalkan radang di hatiku.
Baris kata yang kau kirim sangat jujur, malah dapat kurasakan sampai sekarang bahwa saat itu bukan hanya tulisan polos saja namun aku dapat mendengar suara sengaumu menyuarakannya. Menyuarakan bahwa delapan belas hari yang kita punya bukan apa-apa namun hanyalah serangkaian tanggal di mana suasana membuaimu.
Pesanmu bagai tamparan ketika aku membacanya berulang-ulang karena untuk bernapaspun aku sulit apalagi untuk mencerna tiap kalimatmu. Dering handphoneku saat itu terdengar bagai tiup sangkakala ketika aku selesai mengirimkan balasan yang hanya berisikan satu kata,
Kamu membanjiriku dengan kalimat yang seakan-akan aku tidak punya hati yang bisa disakiti, kejam, terlalu jujur. Entah apakah memang itu yang kamu alami atau hanya kebohongan belaka yang bisa membebaskanmu dariku. Terbawa suasana katamu. Kamu menyalahkan suasana, lalu bagaimana dengan hatimu? Apa rasa sayang yang kamu deklarasikan di atas bianglala itu termasuk hasil buaian suasana?
Selanjutnya kalimat berjuntaian dalam kepalaku dan semuanya berawal dengan 'kukira'.
Kukira kamu bisa berubah dengan kesempatan yang aku kasih.
Kukira kita akan bahagia bersama
Kukira kita benar-benar bisa pergi ke Italia
Kukira , kukira, kukira !
Kata itu membuat mataku terasa seperti tersengat, pedih namun sakit di dadaku lebih luar biasa.
Sampai-sampai hanya beberapa bulir air mata saja yang lolos, sisanya tersamarkan denyutan rasa sakit.
Tersendat-sendat aku mengetik balasan untuk pesanmu yang kejam.
Amarah, kecewa, sedih semuanya tak mau kalah, meminta untuk dicantumkan dalam pesanku.
Tetapi kepalaku tak cukup sehat untuk memilih mana yang harus mendominasi kalimat-kalimatku dan ya pada akhirnya aku hanya sanggup berterima kasih dan membubuhkan satu kalimat yang mewakili rasa kecewaku.
30 hari sudah aku berusaha sepenuh hati untuk tidak muntab ataupun berlari kembali di hadapanmu dan memohon untuk pergi berdua naik bianglala seperti dulu. Tapi aku bahkan ragu sampai sekarang jika semuanya hanya berdasarkan buaian suasana.
Aku bertanya-tanya apakah bahkan momen terindah itu, ketika di atas bianglala, apakah kau benar-benar ingin dan sayang aku?
Aku tidak bisa membuat kepalaku jauh dari pertanyaan, "apakah ketika dia memegang tanganku karena benar-benar ingin atau hanya karena suasana membuatnya terlalu menghayati peran?"
Tiap kali pertanyaan itu muncul, bulu romaku berdiri membayangkan jawabannya. Karena jika memang ia sanggup menjawabnya, sudah pasti akulah si Bodoh yang dengan sukarela memberinya kesempatan untuk membodohi karena sebenarnya semua tampak jelas dari awal. Hanya aku saja yang terlalu yakin bahwa kamu bisa berubah.
Namun aku yakin dengan bantuan Tuhan, teman dan hal-hal lain semuanya akan terlewati. Dengan kehidupan yang persis roda, dengan pepatah "kau akan menuai apa yang kau tanam" semuanya akan terasa adil. Amarahku tidak butuh dendam, jika suatu hari nanti kamu akan merasakan hal yang sama, hal yang kurasakan pada siang bolong 15 november lalu.
Terima kasih kamu mau terbuai oleh suasana pada saat itu. Terima kasih juga kamu telah berhasil meyakinkan seorang aku untuk mencintai setiap detail kebohonganmu. Kamu membawakanku sedikit perubahan, banyak pelajaran dan secercah rasa sakit serta sebuah lubang yang masih menganga. Entah bagaimana kabarmu di luar sana, tapi kuharap kau...entahlah. Menyadari apa yang telah kau lakukan?
Masih ingat di siang bolong bulan november lalu ketika dengan bodohnya kamu mengirim pesan bahwa kita lebih baik tidak melanjutkan semuanya?
Dengan lelah yang sudah terakumulasi, aku mengira kalau kamu hanya bercanda namun mimpi apa yang datang pada bolongnya siang.
Mereka hanya kumpulan kata-kata yang kau rangkai sedemikian rupa, namun bagiku kalimat itu seperti kepalan tangan Mike Tyson yang dengan tanpa ampunnya mendarat di dadaku. Membacanyapun bagai mengunyah antibiotik yang diberi dokter setiap aku terkena radang.
Namun momen setelah kejadian itulah yang kini meninggalkan radang di hatiku.
Baris kata yang kau kirim sangat jujur, malah dapat kurasakan sampai sekarang bahwa saat itu bukan hanya tulisan polos saja namun aku dapat mendengar suara sengaumu menyuarakannya. Menyuarakan bahwa delapan belas hari yang kita punya bukan apa-apa namun hanyalah serangkaian tanggal di mana suasana membuaimu.
Pesanmu bagai tamparan ketika aku membacanya berulang-ulang karena untuk bernapaspun aku sulit apalagi untuk mencerna tiap kalimatmu. Dering handphoneku saat itu terdengar bagai tiup sangkakala ketika aku selesai mengirimkan balasan yang hanya berisikan satu kata,
"Mengapa?"Bukan gempa yang menggoyangkan tanah di bawahku namun balasan pesan yang kau kirim untukku.
"Perasaanku sejak awal tidak pernah berlebih dan sekarang aku tidak sayang sama kamu. Maaf."Percayalah bisa kudengar suara petir meski langit sangat biru dan cerah di luar sana. Selanjutnya sangat buram untuk diingat karena dapat kupastikan bahwa untuk membalasnyapun aku kehabisan kata-kata.
Kamu membanjiriku dengan kalimat yang seakan-akan aku tidak punya hati yang bisa disakiti, kejam, terlalu jujur. Entah apakah memang itu yang kamu alami atau hanya kebohongan belaka yang bisa membebaskanmu dariku. Terbawa suasana katamu. Kamu menyalahkan suasana, lalu bagaimana dengan hatimu? Apa rasa sayang yang kamu deklarasikan di atas bianglala itu termasuk hasil buaian suasana?
Selanjutnya kalimat berjuntaian dalam kepalaku dan semuanya berawal dengan 'kukira'.
Kukira kamu bisa berubah dengan kesempatan yang aku kasih.
Kukira kita akan bahagia bersama
Kukira kita benar-benar bisa pergi ke Italia
Kukira , kukira, kukira !
Kata itu membuat mataku terasa seperti tersengat, pedih namun sakit di dadaku lebih luar biasa.
Sampai-sampai hanya beberapa bulir air mata saja yang lolos, sisanya tersamarkan denyutan rasa sakit.
Tersendat-sendat aku mengetik balasan untuk pesanmu yang kejam.
Amarah, kecewa, sedih semuanya tak mau kalah, meminta untuk dicantumkan dalam pesanku.
Tetapi kepalaku tak cukup sehat untuk memilih mana yang harus mendominasi kalimat-kalimatku dan ya pada akhirnya aku hanya sanggup berterima kasih dan membubuhkan satu kalimat yang mewakili rasa kecewaku.
"You suck."Tak butuh lama untuk kamu membalas pesanku namun untuk apa lagi membalas pesanmu ketika semuanya sudah tersingkap jelas, sejelas kristal.
30 hari sudah aku berusaha sepenuh hati untuk tidak muntab ataupun berlari kembali di hadapanmu dan memohon untuk pergi berdua naik bianglala seperti dulu. Tapi aku bahkan ragu sampai sekarang jika semuanya hanya berdasarkan buaian suasana.
Aku bertanya-tanya apakah bahkan momen terindah itu, ketika di atas bianglala, apakah kau benar-benar ingin dan sayang aku?
Aku tidak bisa membuat kepalaku jauh dari pertanyaan, "apakah ketika dia memegang tanganku karena benar-benar ingin atau hanya karena suasana membuatnya terlalu menghayati peran?"
Tiap kali pertanyaan itu muncul, bulu romaku berdiri membayangkan jawabannya. Karena jika memang ia sanggup menjawabnya, sudah pasti akulah si Bodoh yang dengan sukarela memberinya kesempatan untuk membodohi karena sebenarnya semua tampak jelas dari awal. Hanya aku saja yang terlalu yakin bahwa kamu bisa berubah.
Namun aku yakin dengan bantuan Tuhan, teman dan hal-hal lain semuanya akan terlewati. Dengan kehidupan yang persis roda, dengan pepatah "kau akan menuai apa yang kau tanam" semuanya akan terasa adil. Amarahku tidak butuh dendam, jika suatu hari nanti kamu akan merasakan hal yang sama, hal yang kurasakan pada siang bolong 15 november lalu.
Terima kasih kamu mau terbuai oleh suasana pada saat itu. Terima kasih juga kamu telah berhasil meyakinkan seorang aku untuk mencintai setiap detail kebohonganmu. Kamu membawakanku sedikit perubahan, banyak pelajaran dan secercah rasa sakit serta sebuah lubang yang masih menganga. Entah bagaimana kabarmu di luar sana, tapi kuharap kau...entahlah. Menyadari apa yang telah kau lakukan?
December 14, 2012
Better In Time
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
I Going, coming
Thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
To love again
Quickly I'm learning
All that I know isI'm gonna be OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the tv
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming
Don't wanna laugh (Hurt my feelings)
But that's the path(I believe in)
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice this you meant everything
(Quickly I'm learning)
Ooooh to love again (all that I know is)
I'm gon' It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok
[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in timebe OK
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
It'll all get better in time
It'll all get better in time
Better In Time, Leona Lewis
December 11, 2012
December 10, 2012
You Talked
Earlier this morning, it was not misheard or something but yeah you've finally talked to me. Nothing forced but it was you needed a favor from me. Few day before today, I also talked to you but that was because no choice was given to me, see the different? so yeah I spoke few word to you but this morning? You, with that begging for help-face in front of me? I felt like boss. Come on, who was the first come up, put the act "we're no one now, so we better keep our distance." ?
Later on with no second thought at all, I refused.
What was in your mind, dear Mr? You needed my help so you stooped so low and then asked me for a favor?
It was YOU
Later on with no second thought at all, I refused.
What was in your mind, dear Mr? You needed my help so you stooped so low and then asked me for a favor?
Are you some kind of shameless or is your pride lacking?
December 07, 2012
Paramore New Album Out On April 9 2013
Through their instagram, paramore announced that there'll be a new self-titled album on april 9th next year.
Now who cares if I'm still recovering from this shit he caused, at least I got this a very good news.
Now who cares if I'm still recovering from this shit he caused, at least I got this a very good news.
Heck yes, a broken heart is about to be healed
December 05, 2012
Doa Terkabulkan Dan Kaupun Bahagia, Tanpaku, Tanpa Kita
Sebuah komedi adalah ketika kau sudah melangkah
dan aku masih terdiam, bingung dan lelah
Tawa menjadi latar ketika kenangan membuatku pasrah
Terkoyak oleh perasaan yang bahkan telah sirna
Dan Ironis adalah ketika aku berdoa
sedangkan kau berusaha untuk yang lainnya
Kalimat doa terucap
tak tersiar namun ikhlas nan mantap
Rangkaian pengharapan untukmu,
untuk langitmu,
agar tetap biru meski mendung di pihakku
Ditemani waktu aku berduka
merajut kata rindu serta doa
Meminta tuhan untuk menjaga
dirimu agar tetap bahagia
Janggal rasanya menghapus namamu dari doa
Karena terbiasa, rasanya seperti lubang yang menganga
Terdesak ironis akupun hampir menyerah
Akal pikiran terusik benci dan marah
tetapi kuputuskan untuk terus memanjatkannya
Dan benar adanya jika Tuhan punya telinga
Karena nampaknya doaku dikabulkannya
Kini kau sudah bahagia rupanya
Tanpaku, tanpa kita
December 03, 2012
Punggung
Hai, siapa nyana kita dipertemukan
Ya memang bertemu namun aku tahu kau enggan
Bukan takdir atau apa tapi sebuah keharusan
Keharusan memaksamu, kan?
Jika saja kau punya pilihan
Harga mati keberadaanku akan kau hapus dari pandangan
Hari ini punggungmu bagai pemandangan
Terbentang kokoh tak terelakkan
Hanya jengkal yang memisahkan
namun dekat, terlalu dekat malahan
Bidangnya masih segar dalam ingatan
Keindahannya terperangkap dalam kenangan
Setiap incinya menyeretku dalam kerinduan
Rindu yang ringkih akan kenyataan
bahwa hakku sudah tak berlengan
Seorang aku yang tak tahan iman
terombang-ambing di tengah lautan kenangan
Kuatnya niat luntur karena indahnya pemandangan
December 01, 2012
The Ability
Is it wrong that I still can't keep myself from thinking about you, about us?
Why can't I have the ability to just wipe you, wipe the memories in just one go?
I wish I had that ability because I'm starting to feel tired for keep pretending that I'm okay with this.
God, can you just give me that ability.
Why can't I have the ability to just wipe you, wipe the memories in just one go?
I wish I had that ability because I'm starting to feel tired for keep pretending that I'm okay with this.
God, can you just give me that ability.
Day?
Hey, it's December already. Another beginning to start with. I'm here...still alive, still breathing and trying. You know what I've been doing :) moving on from the crumbles of our skyfall.
I don't know how long it's been but as long as I'm fine, I don't care that much.
Dear you, I see that you've been moving on too and I know you already have a target to aim. Don't you think you're moving on too fast? Am I that easy to forget? Well, if you asked the same question, I would probably say 'no'. Because I'm not you, I was real. What I feel about you back then was real. So yeah I take time a little much to sort out the feeling, to slowly recovering from the love that you gave.
Honestly I wish I was you. Easy to move on, easy to forget. Easy to fall in love again.
But I am me, I can't do those things easily. Because what I had for you was real~
I wish you have a blue sky life over there. Good luck with the new girl. I wish you wouldn't use the same pathetic methods because no one likes to be hurt and anyway, I can't seem to erase your name from my prayer~
I don't know how long it's been but as long as I'm fine, I don't care that much.
Dear you, I see that you've been moving on too and I know you already have a target to aim. Don't you think you're moving on too fast? Am I that easy to forget? Well, if you asked the same question, I would probably say 'no'. Because I'm not you, I was real. What I feel about you back then was real. So yeah I take time a little much to sort out the feeling, to slowly recovering from the love that you gave.
Honestly I wish I was you. Easy to move on, easy to forget. Easy to fall in love again.
But I am me, I can't do those things easily. Because what I had for you was real~
I wish you have a blue sky life over there. Good luck with the new girl. I wish you wouldn't use the same pathetic methods because no one likes to be hurt and anyway, I can't seem to erase your name from my prayer~
Sincerely,
x
November 29, 2012
November 27, 2012
What I Learn
A relationship might not always work, but the life lessons you get out of it are irreplacable.
@k0nnyaku
I learn to be unselfish
I learn to love wholeheartedly
I learn that every wounds will be healed
And the most important thing that I learn from what we had is too much is never good
And the most important thing that I learn from what we had is too much is never good
Day 12
whoaa I never thought that I could make it through the first week, but now it's already been 12 days.
Blunt, that's what I am now. Zero, that's my status quo. Zero hope, zero heartbreak but I'm fine with that. This is just the phase where I've taken step to move on but I don't know exactly where I'm heading. I'm not lost, I'm just zero and that means that I'm ready to start again. I just don't know what I'm going to do next. All I've been doing is just letting it flow. Laughing with mates, Doing whatever I want, Cursing, Just anything that can distract me from thinking about what I've been through. I'm just keeping my self from grieving because it's obvious that he's one step ahead, he's already moving on. That's why I pulled my self out of the black hole and get my self moving on too beause there will be no use if I'm still grieving.
And yeah...Happy (failed) First-Monthsary :')
I wish I could go back to the day I met you...and walk the hell away :*
Blunt, that's what I am now. Zero, that's my status quo. Zero hope, zero heartbreak but I'm fine with that. This is just the phase where I've taken step to move on but I don't know exactly where I'm heading. I'm not lost, I'm just zero and that means that I'm ready to start again. I just don't know what I'm going to do next. All I've been doing is just letting it flow. Laughing with mates, Doing whatever I want, Cursing, Just anything that can distract me from thinking about what I've been through. I'm just keeping my self from grieving because it's obvious that he's one step ahead, he's already moving on. That's why I pulled my self out of the black hole and get my self moving on too beause there will be no use if I'm still grieving.
And yeah...Happy (failed) First-Monthsary :')
I wish I could go back to the day I met you...and walk the hell away :*
November 26, 2012
Karma : What Goes Around... / ...Comes Around
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong
Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came aroundThat you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will findWhat goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
"What Goes Around... / ...Comes Around Interlude", Justin Timberlake
November 25, 2012
Skyfall
November 24, 2012
Our class went for a trip. The trip that should be a fun trip if only we were still together. Because you promised me to take a picture of us together but I guess promises are made to be broken.
We went out of town to study the past and erm...the word past tickled the hole inside of me that had been longing for my attention. So yeah I gave them a little taste of satisfaction by staring at your back and watching you from distance.
I had something else to do too beside watching the back of your head but that only lasted for awhile. You crossed my mind soon after I forgot about you. I laughed with my friends but then gravity pulled me to the earth and I was busy again watching your posture from afar but hey it's not like I'm stalking you or anything. I only gave my hunger a little bit of satisfaction so the hole wouldn't feel hurt that much but actually it was making it worse.
I've had shit days and that day was one of them. Mates wanted to watch skyfall and I felt uneasy and aware of the effect that would come along with the film, a super massive nostalgia, fully-loaded with the crucial memory. I physically already felt exhausted but God wanted me to face anything, not excluded watching the first movie we ever watched together when we are already in a different phase. I'm built to face anything but this. So I spent the way home trying to fall asleep rather than spending my time watching the movie and recalling everything but then questions popped up.
Does he remember that we watched this movie together?
Does him also experience this? A nostalgia, a flashback.
What does he feel about it?
Up until now those questions are still floating in my mind, seeking for an answer. But where can I get the answers for that? While you barely even looking at me. So if miracle did happen, answer this. Do you experience flashback like I do?
Our class went for a trip. The trip that should be a fun trip if only we were still together. Because you promised me to take a picture of us together but I guess promises are made to be broken.
We went out of town to study the past and erm...the word past tickled the hole inside of me that had been longing for my attention. So yeah I gave them a little taste of satisfaction by staring at your back and watching you from distance.
I had something else to do too beside watching the back of your head but that only lasted for awhile. You crossed my mind soon after I forgot about you. I laughed with my friends but then gravity pulled me to the earth and I was busy again watching your posture from afar but hey it's not like I'm stalking you or anything. I only gave my hunger a little bit of satisfaction so the hole wouldn't feel hurt that much but actually it was making it worse.
I've had shit days and that day was one of them. Mates wanted to watch skyfall and I felt uneasy and aware of the effect that would come along with the film, a super massive nostalgia, fully-loaded with the crucial memory. I physically already felt exhausted but God wanted me to face anything, not excluded watching the first movie we ever watched together when we are already in a different phase. I'm built to face anything but this. So I spent the way home trying to fall asleep rather than spending my time watching the movie and recalling everything but then questions popped up.
Does he remember that we watched this movie together?
Does him also experience this? A nostalgia, a flashback.
What does he feel about it?
Up until now those questions are still floating in my mind, seeking for an answer. But where can I get the answers for that? While you barely even looking at me. So if miracle did happen, answer this. Do you experience flashback like I do?
November 22, 2012
Day 7
It's been a roller coaster after the text you sent.
First day, second day, I was trying hard not to show the effect of an end and I did it.
The following days were pretty busy for social activity of mine and it kept me from thinking.
The fourth day, the first day of school after a long weekend Islamic New Year holiday. Before I went to school , I got anxious and worry because when you said that you want it to end, we hadn't seen each other whilst like in an hour, dad was ready to drive me. I had nothing to do but to convince my self that everything is going to be okay even though I knew that the probability of not having a social interaction with you, was one in a million because we still have a year to be classmates.
I've been trying to get used to with the curious eyes. I see question and concern in the eyes of my mates. at first I didn't want to respond to their attention but that'd be rude. So yeah I try my best to retell the story and try to feel fine whenever the hole inside of me is asking more attention, though I feel uncomfortable to be questioned about us but I can't runaway from them.
it's been a week but I don't know if it gets any better or else because not like the first nor the second days, I've been replaying back our moments and feel a little bit lost. There is a part of me that says I'll waste my time to even think about you but the other part is more like the weak. She still misses the time when we were just two little lovebirds.
I guess even though I post so many crap about being strong after going through a break up, actually I still feel it, the sensation of the first time reading the text you sent to end the shit. I have a hole inside of me now, complete with a scar, thanks for that and yeah I still remember the scent of your jacket which has ability to break me in a snap. Sometimes when my mind drifts away, it has nowhere to go but to a place where I store our memories and I have to keep reminding my self that I should hate every piece of them because what we had back then is all made up.
But I know I'll be okay. I just don't know when. and that time, I won't even flinch at your name ever again . I'll go on even if the most familiar things try to pull me to the past, I'm sure that I would have been even better, I'll be careful not to fall in love with the wrong guy, I'll be smarter and we will be classmates with no social interaction if that's what you want us to be. I won't care
November 21, 2012
Broken Arrow
This time she's gonna fix her heart and make it bullet proofThis time she's gonna get real, love the skin she's in
She said this time that she is built to face anything
This time she's gonna pick herself up no more breaking down
This time she's gonna raise her head choose the righteous path
Broken Arrow, The Script
November 19, 2012
It Was Only A Papercut :)
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Speaking of what has happened to me, I found this song to be exactly like how I feel after yeah you know what happen :) It is called Papercut and it is from the album Battlefield (Deluxe Version).
So this would be like another soundtrack to help me get through all the shits that stand in the way. Yeah Ms.Sparks thanks for the song :)
Don’t keep asking me I might disintegrate
What do you want? I’ve moved on
Everything is going well, at least that’s what I tell myself
I wish I was the tin man, so I wouldn’t have a heart to break.
I’m okay, I’ll survive.It’s only a paper cut, a paper cut... (yeah)
I only think about you half of the time
All these tears, all these drops in the ocean baby
You barely even cross my mind no, no
And it doesn’t hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
I forget that it’s there
You keep calling and calling, you don’t care
How it burns, how it stings
Just cause you can’t see it bleedI wish I was the tin man, so I wouldn’t have a heart to break.
Doesn’t mean it don’t go deep
I’m okay, I’ll survive.
I only think about you half of the time
All these tears, all these drops in the ocean baby
You barely even cross my mind no, no
and it doesn’t hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
It’s only a paper cut, a paper cut
The more I give, the less I get
Sometimes I wish that we’ve never met
’Cause I was fine ‘til you broke through
But don’t worry baby I'll get over you...By tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day
I’m okay, I’ll be fine.
I only think about you half the time
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
I’m okay, I’ll survive.
I only think about you half of the time
All these tears, all those drops in the ocean baby
You never even cross my mind no, no
Boy you wish it hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
It’s only a paper cut, a paper cut
I’m okay, I’m okay
Misted Dessert
Manis kata, janjipun tak lupa
Baik hati, lakuanpun sahaja
Gurun keringpun mau saja
Tiada hujan, kesejukan apapun ditadah
Hanya awalan, semua tampak baik saja
Diselimuti baris kata yang manis menggoda
Ditambah janji berlapis
Padahal mana tahu lapis selanjutnya apa
Sudah kubilang, gurunpun merindu, jadi diterima saja
Jangan salahkan dia
Waktu, ya, karena waktu atau entah apa.
Kabut sejuk menunjukkan anomalinya
Bukan kesejukan lagi namun tanda-tanda
Ia tampak enggan dan berbeda
Gurunpun cemas dan curiga
Serta merta dan tiba-tiba, tak dinyana
Kabut menggulung kesejukan miliknya.
Tandus yang hampir basah bertanya 'mengapa?'
Kabut yang sejatinya memang begitu berkata,
'ini sifatku. datang dan pergi sesuka hamba. tidak ada cara dan tidak mungkin hamba berubah.'
Batu lembap dipenuhi lumut menyangga,
'jika begini sejatinya, mengapa kau menyejukkan gurunnya? kau membawa asa lalu kau melenyapkannya. kau mengusir hampa dan lihat sekarang, kau menebar sunyi sebelum bencana.'
Kabut memang semu, bersiteguh ia membawa kesejukannya.
Namun ya, panas terik, kering, senyap, gurun sudah mengalaminya.
Kepergian kabut hanya kepergian seperti hujan dan cuaca.
Gurun akan kembali terbiasa.
Baik hati, lakuanpun sahaja
Gurun keringpun mau saja
Tiada hujan, kesejukan apapun ditadah
Hanya awalan, semua tampak baik saja
Diselimuti baris kata yang manis menggoda
Ditambah janji berlapis
Padahal mana tahu lapis selanjutnya apa
Sudah kubilang, gurunpun merindu, jadi diterima saja
Jangan salahkan dia
Waktu, ya, karena waktu atau entah apa.
Kabut sejuk menunjukkan anomalinya
Bukan kesejukan lagi namun tanda-tanda
Ia tampak enggan dan berbeda
Gurunpun cemas dan curiga
Serta merta dan tiba-tiba, tak dinyana
Kabut menggulung kesejukan miliknya.
Tandus yang hampir basah bertanya 'mengapa?'
Kabut yang sejatinya memang begitu berkata,
'ini sifatku. datang dan pergi sesuka hamba. tidak ada cara dan tidak mungkin hamba berubah.'
Batu lembap dipenuhi lumut menyangga,
'jika begini sejatinya, mengapa kau menyejukkan gurunnya? kau membawa asa lalu kau melenyapkannya. kau mengusir hampa dan lihat sekarang, kau menebar sunyi sebelum bencana.'
Kabut memang semu, bersiteguh ia membawa kesejukannya.
Namun ya, panas terik, kering, senyap, gurun sudah mengalaminya.
Kepergian kabut hanya kepergian seperti hujan dan cuaca.
Gurun akan kembali terbiasa.
November 17, 2012
Healer
But time, time will really heal everything. Trust me on this. It will really heal. So let time heals and just sit back and relax and let things settle themselves. No matter how long it takes, just wait. Be patient, things will turn out fine.
November 16, 2012
Hold My Middle Finger For You
At first I was like...
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold
But when I was about to let go , you ended first.
I cried a little but then...
I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us
I cried a little more but I'm trying to remind my self that I'm better off without him, that I'll be so so great without that someone-full of shit. So yeah...
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this
And I tell my self this...
No more sick whiskey dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, 'cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I will laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home
I might fall too deep but yeah now I know who's the jerk and who's the foolish for believing all the show he put on and now..
I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I will breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and they burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, tryin' to hold, tryin' to hold
But when I was about to let go , you ended first.
I cried a little but then...
I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us
I cried a little more but I'm trying to remind my self that I'm better off without him, that I'll be so so great without that someone-full of shit. So yeah...
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this
And I tell my self this...
I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
No more sick whiskey dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, 'cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I will laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home
I might fall too deep but yeah now I know who's the jerk and who's the foolish for believing all the show he put on and now..
I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I will breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear
Blow Me (One Last Kiss), P!nk
November 15, 2012
On Your Phone's Screen !
Only 19 days, yes you read it, yes you already read it. Only 19 days and it ended.
He punched my chest right through my back and my head spin with his text. He ended it via text. Fuck him, so so unbelieveable. I still don't know what to feel. Either regret, sad or embarassed.
And after few texts he sent I could only write some of my undefy feeling.
"Thanks for the honesty. Your method worked on me but yeah I figured it out. Thanks for the humiliation. Thank you for being another mistake. Have fun finding another victim. I hope you'd get tired of using the same method which turns you out to be a nasty serial killer. and by the way you suck !"
Berilah Judul Karena Sejatinya Aku Juga Tidak Tahu
Berbagi rasa selama mungkin
Sekuat hati menanggung luapan
segala emosi yang melelahkan
Namun jika kau menyanggupi
lelah pun tertangguhkan
Ketika bianglala tak lagi menyenangkan
Ketika melodi tidak lagi menenangkan
Di sanalah kau berdiri dengan enggan
Di samping ku namun bungkam
Bukan senyummu
Melainkan punggungmu
Hangat terasa beku
Baik namun kaku
Apakah itu dirimu?
Maksudku apa benar itu dirimu?
Kalimat tidak terdengar manis lagi
Perlakuan tak lagi menyanjung hati
Sungguh sangat jelas kau menoreh degradasi
Karena apa aku tak tahu pasti
Apa karena waktu?
Ataukah memang sejatinya dirimu?
Yang jelas bukan aku
Karena di relung ini masih ada rindu
Yang tidak terucap, yang terbelenggu
Sekuat hati menanggung luapan
segala emosi yang melelahkan
Namun jika kau menyanggupi
lelah pun tertangguhkan
Ketika bianglala tak lagi menyenangkan
Ketika melodi tidak lagi menenangkan
Di sanalah kau berdiri dengan enggan
Di samping ku namun bungkam
Bukan senyummu
Melainkan punggungmu
Hangat terasa beku
Baik namun kaku
Apakah itu dirimu?
Maksudku apa benar itu dirimu?
Kalimat tidak terdengar manis lagi
Perlakuan tak lagi menyanjung hati
Sungguh sangat jelas kau menoreh degradasi
Karena apa aku tak tahu pasti
Apa karena waktu?
Ataukah memang sejatinya dirimu?
Yang jelas bukan aku
Karena di relung ini masih ada rindu
Yang tidak terucap, yang terbelenggu
November 13, 2012
Sit And Wait
November 13, 2012
The day when I feel like I'm really lost when I check my phone just to see his name on the screen but I can only sit and wait. Where is he?
The day when I feel like I'm really lost when I check my phone just to see his name on the screen but I can only sit and wait. Where is he?
November 11, 2012
There's You In It
What do you do when you're stuck,
Because the one that you love,
Has pushed you away,
And you can't deal with the pain,
And now you're trying to fix me,
Mend what he did,
I'll find the piece that I'm missing,
But I still miss him,
I miss him, I'm missing him,
Oh I miss him, I miss him, I'm missng him
And you're sitting in the front row,
Wanna be first in line,
Waiting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love is still in me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow.
He's the thorn in my fleshHe's stealing my breath
That I can't take out
When you're around,
And now you're trying to convince me,
He wasn't worth it,
But you can't complete me,
He's the part that is missing,
I miss him, I'm missing him,
Oh I miss him I miss him, I'm missing him,
And you're sitting in the front row,
Wanna be first in line,
Waiting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love is still in me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow.
What do you doYou feel great but you're torn inside.
When your hearts in two places?
You feel love but you just can't embrace it,
When you found the right one at the wrong time.
And you're sitting in the front row,
Wanna be first in line,
Waiting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love is still in me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow.
Broken Arrow, Pixie Lott
November 09, 2012
November 08, 2012
Fire And Rain
Every fire need rain...
Life needs balance. When somebody is full of rage, the other one needs to be the ocean of patient. Nothing will be figured out, if the fire meets fire. You can imagine how big the mess would be if horrible flame burns down something. Therefore if you are now facing difficulties with your partner, you shall choose. Do you want to burn down everything or figure out the way out? Choose, whether you're the fire or the rain.
Life needs balance. When somebody is full of rage, the other one needs to be the ocean of patient. Nothing will be figured out, if the fire meets fire. You can imagine how big the mess would be if horrible flame burns down something. Therefore if you are now facing difficulties with your partner, you shall choose. Do you want to burn down everything or figure out the way out? Choose, whether you're the fire or the rain.
November 04, 2012
If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn
Stay for tonight
If you want to
I can show you
What my dreams are made of,
as I'm dreaming of your face
I've been away for a long time
Such a long time
And I miss you there
I can't imagine being anywhere else
I can't imagine being anywhere else but here
How the hell did you ever pick me?
Honestly, I could sing you a song
But I don't think words can express your beauty
It's singing to me
How the hell did we end up like this?
You bring out the beast in me
I fell in love from the moment we kissed
Since then we've been history
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I needPlease stay as long as you need
♥ Read more at: http://operatorku.blogspot.com/2012/07/autotext-blackberry-lengkap-gokil-dan.html Copyright by operatorku.blogspot.com Terima kasih sudah menyebarluaskan aritkel ini♥ Read more at: http://operatorku.blogspot.com/2012/07/autotext-blackberry-lengkap-gokil-dan.html Copyright by operatorku.blogspot.com Terima kasih sudah menyebarluaskan aritkel ini♥ Read more at: http://operatorku.blogspot.com/2012/07/autotext-blackberry-lengkap-gokil-dan.html Copyright by operatorku.blogspot.com Terima kasih sudah menyebarluaskan aritkel ini♥ Read more at: http://operatorku.blogspot.com/2012/07/autotext-blackberry-lengkap-gokil-dan.html Copyright by operatorku.blogspot.com Terima kasih sudah menyebarluaskan aritkel ini
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me
It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
Can't fall asleep, can't fall asleep
I lay in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night
As I dream of you
I'll fall in love, you'll fall in love
It could mean everything, everything to me
I can't imagine being anywhere else
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you needCan't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me
The way that we are
It's the reason I stay
As long as you're here with meThe way that we are
I know we'll be Ok
It's the reason I stay
As long as you're here with me
I know I'll be Ok
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me
(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one baby)
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one girl)
Please stay as long as you need
(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one baby)
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one girl)
Please stay forever with me
Ferris Wheel
On Ferris Wheel he said that he didn't want to die. Falling from the height that made him scared. He was on to me, found a grip on my arm and another whimper came out.
"I dont want to die today, falling from this ride. I still have a lot love to give."
What a whiny-baby he was. I can't believe a sentence like that came out from a stocky, tall boy. I only laughed after he tightened his grip on my arm. When the ride reached the top, he started to pull everything together even though his brown eyes showed fear.
"isn't it too drama look alike? I mean we're on a ferris wheel, just two of us." I said frankly to his face which was only 10 cm from mine. His brown eyes was full of something, something that was so beautiful. In an instant, I was drowned.
He smiled to erase his fear of height but I could see the smile mean something too. While I was enjoying the color of brown , he asked me something.
"I dont want to die right now because I have something to ask.." he put a pause and I felt my heart beat recklessly and after seconds he finished his words.
"Would you be my girlfriend?"
Beside "yes" what else could I say. I like him and after everything that we've been through, to say "yes" was the right thing to do. So here we are, unite as one, as number 10 which appears after number 9, as alphabet I which stands before alphabet J. I feel like we are meant to be on that Ferris Wheel, we are meant to be in the same class for like a year but none of us cared with each's other existence.
Feel Lost Without That Someone
"This is the problem with getting attached to someone. When they leave you, you just feel lost."
Zombieland (2009)
October 20, 2012
October 16, 2012
Monday Couple Forever
I Can't Help
When I said "I have enough" eventually I didn't mean that at all because after that something happened for the very first time. He confessed his heart to me even though words related to love sound like another cliche to my ears nowadays but the heart of mine which had been longing for so long couldn't deny the temptation, the love that might cause another pain.
Just like another boy, all that he could gurantee was promises. Promise not to leave, promise to keep this thing works out. I'm fine with that even though I'd rather believe that promises are made to be broken, I too believe that no matter how nice people is, they would leave sometimes someday and forgot all those shit they had given.
But people is vulnerable when they in love and I agree. Everything that I had believed for the very first time now seem to blur. The fact that one day he would get bored and left is not scary at all compare to the fact that I might not feel the way I feel now is scarier.
I feel really stupid to fall even deeper when I'm a believer of people would walk out of your life. I feel more like an idiot to stay, to experience this when I believe there'll be a moment when I cry myself to sleep for someone whom I fall for eventually have enough of me. But I really don't know how to stop. I can't help but fall.
October 14, 2012
Late Night Text : Promise I wish You'd Keep
"...NO! I won't leave..."Oct 14 2012, 11:45:12 p.m
How can I not love you that much if your words are deadly sweet? How can I prepare for the worst if you keep saying you won't leave at the end of the day when I believe everyone will leave eventually ?
October 11, 2012
10.11.2012
To eventually feel the rain drop fell on your skin was just an amazing experience.
I should consider today as a special occasion in order that this was the first day Surabaya had finnaly rained even though it was just drizzle.
Rain never lets you forget. They want you to remember. That's why rain could bring people a flashback and I wouldn't refuse, I want to remember things from the rainy days
I should consider today as a special occasion in order that this was the first day Surabaya had finnaly rained even though it was just drizzle.
Rain never lets you forget. They want you to remember. That's why rain could bring people a flashback and I wouldn't refuse, I want to remember things from the rainy days
October 06, 2012
Scent, Brown, You, Me
It's not giving up. It means that I have enough.
The facts are everywhere but this time I need to call your bluff
Do you not know that we are far beyond the line?
and you still think that it is fine.
Brown. Yes brown.
The color of my days.
I'm liking it as always.
Song.
A good company
I always sing
And you sing the same song as me
Of course I'm letting it be
But I never thought this is what would gonna be
You started it first and I followed your game
Boy, you took aim
And it's a shame
Everything is the same
You do this often
Your game even has particular pattern
And no doubt I've fallen
Even deeper
I'm struggling to figure this one out
But you're always trying to make it right when it's not
And now I've had enough of your scent
I get a pen
To draw a vivid line
I've had enough with the color brown
I'll look away
No longer wanting to be drowned
I've had enough of the melody in the song
I don't wanna be haunted all night long
I'll put off my earphone
Get rid of you from my bone
I shouldn't have followed your game and I won't
October 02, 2012
October 01, 2012
The Mountain or The Beach?
"What do you like better; Mountain or Beaches?"
And I knew it was going to be Mountain. I know he doesn't like to be under the sunlight. His answer was sort of something that makes me slightly happy. I prefer to go to the Mountain rather than to the beach. I like cold better than hot and maybe so does he.
That question led us to a conversation that we shouldn't ever have. Maybe he would have one of these convo but just not with me, it's definitely not right. Technically I was the one who started first but then he asked where I wanted to go for honeymoon when I got married someday. Casually, I answered that I had always wanted to travel around Europe, especially Italy and unwittingly I changed the subject from 'I' to 'We'.
I said, "We could do a culinary trip to Italy and maybe drop by to Venezuela just to experience Gondola."
He too agreed with me because after that he told me that he would like to travel to Europe as well so he couldn't agree more with my future-plan.
Secretly I asked to my self. What is he doing? Why would he talk about a future with me, I mean, with someone that he has nothing to do with someday when he grows up? Does he really mean it? Does he really want to go around the world, riding a Gondola, eating italian cuisine? I mean WITH JUST ME?
Where would I find the answers? I decided to agree with 'He just playing around. He's faking it." But still, when someone talk about his future which you are not exactly gonna be part of it, How would you feel about it? I chose to be blunt.
After that we babbled a lot about our fake future plan. He said that we could go to the Italy just to eat and then took some romantic walk and yes, he didn't forget about the mountain part. He chose to stay in a private bungalow at the forest, on one of those mountain in Europe. He had a great taste for a place to stay but we didn't even know wether there is a mountain in europe or not but yeah I mean we are faking it you know!
Up until this moment when I'm typing this random post, I still don't know how I feel about that conversation. I mean yes it's confusing. but maybe it's better to just let it be. let the confusing thing to go find its answer while I don't know what to do.
And I knew it was going to be Mountain. I know he doesn't like to be under the sunlight. His answer was sort of something that makes me slightly happy. I prefer to go to the Mountain rather than to the beach. I like cold better than hot and maybe so does he.
That question led us to a conversation that we shouldn't ever have. Maybe he would have one of these convo but just not with me, it's definitely not right. Technically I was the one who started first but then he asked where I wanted to go for honeymoon when I got married someday. Casually, I answered that I had always wanted to travel around Europe, especially Italy and unwittingly I changed the subject from 'I' to 'We'.
I said, "We could do a culinary trip to Italy and maybe drop by to Venezuela just to experience Gondola."
He too agreed with me because after that he told me that he would like to travel to Europe as well so he couldn't agree more with my future-plan.
Secretly I asked to my self. What is he doing? Why would he talk about a future with me, I mean, with someone that he has nothing to do with someday when he grows up? Does he really mean it? Does he really want to go around the world, riding a Gondola, eating italian cuisine? I mean WITH JUST ME?
Where would I find the answers? I decided to agree with 'He just playing around. He's faking it." But still, when someone talk about his future which you are not exactly gonna be part of it, How would you feel about it? I chose to be blunt.
After that we babbled a lot about our fake future plan. He said that we could go to the Italy just to eat and then took some romantic walk and yes, he didn't forget about the mountain part. He chose to stay in a private bungalow at the forest, on one of those mountain in Europe. He had a great taste for a place to stay but we didn't even know wether there is a mountain in europe or not but yeah I mean we are faking it you know!
Up until this moment when I'm typing this random post, I still don't know how I feel about that conversation. I mean yes it's confusing. but maybe it's better to just let it be. let the confusing thing to go find its answer while I don't know what to do.
September 28, 2012
Kang Gary and His Duo Mate Decides to End Hiatus
Yes, yes, I know you guys are also as happy as I am. Kang Gary and Gil have finally came to their sense. I don't think tv is much better without them so it's good to know that Jungle entertainment has told allkpop that Leessang has decided to end hiatus. Through their statement, they explained that is better to work harder, to make music, concerts and also makes us laugh than taking the blame, feel embarass and grieve.
So yeah, I'm glad that Running Man won't be losing their Pure Guy
To know more abou their statement, click here
September 27, 2012
Piece of Lyric : Pretty Much Like My Story
You've read the books,
You've watched the shows,
What's the best way no one knows, yeah,
Medicated, hypnotized.
Anything to take from your mind.
But it wont, ohhhh ohhh
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
You hear the drinking, take a toll
Watch the past go up in smoke.
Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay
Well it's not. No
You're doing all these things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're going through six degrees of separation.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.
(No, no, there ain't no help, it's every man for himself)
You tell your friends, yeah, strangers too,
Anyone throwin' an arm around you, yeah
Tarot cards
Gems and stones,
Believing all that shit is gonna heal your soul.
We'll it's not, no
You're only doing things out of desperation,
Ohhh ohhh,
You're goin' through six degrees of separation.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.
No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure,
You take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the six degrees of separation
No there's no starting over,
Without finding closure,
You take them back,
No hesitation,
That's when you know you've reached the six Degrees of separation
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.
Six Degrees of Separations, The Script
September 25, 2012
Yoo Jae Suk, please tell him not to leave the show
I've found something that I call a light at the end of a tunnel.
Yoo Jae Suk once again, I guess taken a part of Kang Gary's entertainment life. Remember a piece of lyric from Leesang's song mentioning Jae Suk?
I guess this one guy had tried to save Gart's butt yet again.
Read the link below to believe that Jae Suk can make Gary no to leave Running Man
http://m.enewsworld.mnet.com/news/news_view.asp?nsID=15984
Yoo Jae Suk once again, I guess taken a part of Kang Gary's entertainment life. Remember a piece of lyric from Leesang's song mentioning Jae Suk?
I guess this one guy had tried to save Gart's butt yet again.
http://m.enewsworld.mnet.com/news/news_view.asp?nsID=15984
Pretty Hunger For Camera
yeah I guess this was what had happened at the class today. I brought camera to school but none of these were the reason to me to bring the camera. but yeah i guess I didn't care at all because at least the images we took weren't that bad and these are some of them.
September 21, 2012
Kang Gary's Decision to Take Hiatus From Variety Shows
On Sep 21, 2012 which is just four hours ago, one of the reasons that I watch korean show, Kang Gary of Leessang tweeted that he would stop his variety show activities to focus on his new-built company.
You better telling me why you decide to leave, oppa :( !!!!
I'm surely gonna miss you
A representative from Jungle Entertainment stated that they didn't hear any detail yet nor the head producer of Runinng Man hasn't heard anything about Gary's decision to stop all of his variety show activities. Then what would be the future of my favorite Korean variety show?
"In order to put more of my energy into Leessang Company and music concerts, I’ve decided to take a hiatus from participating on variety shows. I apologize for the sudden notice without any warning. I’m sorry"
You better telling me why you decide to leave, oppa :( !!!!
I'm surely gonna miss you
September 15, 2012
Hope pt.2
"...When the last thing on the bottom of the box will be rushing out to follow other blessings. Pandora hastily closed the box quickly and thus left for humans - for me - a comforter, delusion, the reason that never fails, which helps people dare to bear much of the burden and survive."And it was hope that remained in the box and I'm sure that is the thing that makes me wait for you to realize that it is me that likes you.
September 14, 2012
Another Piece of Lyric
I found my way out.
And you'll never hurt me again.
And you'll never hurt me again.
The Last Song I'm Wasting On You, Evanescence
The Last Words I'm Wasting On You
A year ago, I shouldn't have let you land a brief meaningless kiss on my forehead so that I wouldn't need to waste my own words just to reminisce the moment over and over again.
September 12, 2012
If only they were real like in the movies
Erica Dasher and Nick Roux (Jane by Design, Jane Quimby and Billy Nutter)
Song Ji Hyo and Kang Gary (Running Man, Monday Couple)
Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark)
cr : rightful owner
Tired
I'm tired of nothing
Tired of being tired for no reason or may I just say that I'm just tired?
Do I must have particular reasons for being tired?
What if I don't really have one?
What if I'm just tired?
September 03, 2012
Can You Tell Me ?
It’s driving me crazy
Something rip off my sanity
What is it actually?
It’s insane
But nothing to blame
Something disguistingly sweet fill me
Something out of rationality
What is it? What is it? Come and tell me.
I cant take it anymore
Everytime you hit my mind
My heart just beating out of line
Is it the L-thing ?
Come and tell me everything
Walk toward me and sing it, darling
Need to know how you feel
Do you feel the way i feel?
I know your heart is sealed
But I need to be healed
Love, love, love is something I need to feel.
Distance
The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand
And I will make sure to keep my distanceSay "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waitingFor you to take meYou keep waiting
To save what we have
So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?
Distance, Christina Perri
Hope
What exactly hope means to us?
I mean to teenagers like me or like you or to everyone in the whole world.
Hope is good, very good indeed but it makes people delusional.
How is that?
When you know it's not meant to be in any kind of way but you keep your expectation high and prefer to think in positive way which makes you even drooling for the possibility that is unreal.
And yes hope, it is that makes you fall even deeper when it comes about waiting something that will never happen.
Then what's confusing is why do people still hope? When it'll only give you sensation like you're on drugs which keeps you from hurt.
Why do i have guts to hope something that is blurry, i mean like waiting for someone to like you?
September 02, 2012
Sweet Episode of Running Man
This gif I've made out of caption from Running Man ep 106 when everyone was chaotic to guess who was Han Ji Min's true love. It's like another version of episode 86 when Han Ga In from The Moon That Embraces The Sun finally regained her memories of her first love and lucky Haha was her crush in elementary school. But in this episode, I was so touched when knowing that the muscular sparta Kook confessed o Han Ji Min with the sweetest methods. First, all of the member and the guest were forced to hold a fan-signing in the middle of nowhere where they could only see cars passing by. Running man had done that before but I forget in what episode.
Finding Han Ji Min's true love was the highlight of the episode and hint after hint was found and finally it was narrowed to be only three people who was matched with the hints. First hint was found by Suk Jin and it was a photo of two guys standing and holding a Daesang trophy award. The second was alphabet 'J' and found by Jae Suk The third was also found by Jae suk and all of the hints represented him. Before the fourth hint showed, Ji Hyo was emphasizing Gary as Han Ji Min's true love but Han Ji Min didn't believe and Ji Hyo bluntly asked to Gary about who was he thinking about his true love and of course the pure Gary answered "You" to Ji Hyo and in shocked, Song Ji Hyo bursted to laugh. The two of them were still playful and slightly sweet even though Monday Couple doesnt really reunite like what it used to. But that doesn't matter when Kwang soo stepped up with the fourth hint, it was a weight scale. There was an arrow sign and a word 'duet'. But only Ji Hyo noticed the 'duet' hint and Han Ji Min eventually beleived that it was Kwang Soo whse weight was matched as the arrow sign on the scale. But then situation turned out into a sticky situation where Ji Hyo was trying to convince Han Ji Min that Gary was the one even though none of the hints were not describing him.
The first suspect, Jae Suk was the first one to be ousted and then everyone was going crazy and when there were only Gary and Joong Kook, Han Ji Min was on the edge and forced to choose. And she chose Joong Kook. When she had been prepared to be blast with water, at the end her choice was right. They rewind what had happened earlier at the beach where Han Ji Min conducted fan-signing. The one who was giving her bouquet and a confession letter was the muscular sparta kook. I was hardly believe that it was him but knowing that in the last venue for the last mission, Joong Kook managed to find a hint that revealed the whole mystery. It was him, Han Ji Min's true love.
I guess this episode is the sweetest episode. I got to watch Joong Kook in suit, being cute and romantic to a sweet lady. And the method when he confessed at the beach was cute. I wouuld like to rerun this episode sometimes. I just love to see the playful Gary and Ji Hyo and also Joong Kook in a suit.
August 31, 2012
Spirit Riser: OneRepublic, The Script New Tracks
Did I just hear new songs?
Well, heck yes. Finally and thank God, these two bands have finally released their newest single for their latest album. The Script's album will be entitled as #3. It'll be out in Ireland on September 7 and September 10 in UK. This August 21st, the music video is ready on youtube to be the next most viewed and this is proofed that it's only been ten days, the video has been watched by over 1,000,000 viewers. How awesome is that?
There will be two emotional tracks that came from the band members' own experience. "Six Degrees of Separation" is inspired by Danny O'Donoghue's traumatic split up with his former girlfriend and "If You Could See Me Now" is an emotional tribute for Mark Sheehan's parents who died within months of each other when he was just twelve years old. Bad memories not only have bad effect but they bring out inspiration as well. I hope the album will be a hit.
OneRepublic die hard fans, let me hear your scream for their upcoming album !!!
I'm just too excited about writing it even tho I'm still in the dark when it comes to the album's title. In OneRepublic's wiki page is written that the upcoming third studio album will be entitled as Life In Color but that won't matter if they have finally released an awesome music video for the track? On August 28 2012, One Republic released a music video for their new track titled "Feel Again". It's a good song for the lonely soul who is still wandering out there. Listen to it. It will make your numb heart feels love again because they put so many colorful lights in the video. Very colorful that I was blinded by awe and happiness.And one more thing that is good about this song is they will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sales of the single to Save the Children's Every Beat Matters campaign to support training frontline health workers around the world OneRepublic always produces amazing quality songs and that's why I've been keep an eye for another update about the album.Good job, Ryan.
Well, heck yes. Finally and thank God, these two bands have finally released their newest single for their latest album. The Script's album will be entitled as #3. It'll be out in Ireland on September 7 and September 10 in UK. This August 21st, the music video is ready on youtube to be the next most viewed and this is proofed that it's only been ten days, the video has been watched by over 1,000,000 viewers. How awesome is that?There will be two emotional tracks that came from the band members' own experience. "Six Degrees of Separation" is inspired by Danny O'Donoghue's traumatic split up with his former girlfriend and "If You Could See Me Now" is an emotional tribute for Mark Sheehan's parents who died within months of each other when he was just twelve years old. Bad memories not only have bad effect but they bring out inspiration as well. I hope the album will be a hit.
OneRepublic die hard fans, let me hear your scream for their upcoming album !!!
I'm just too excited about writing it even tho I'm still in the dark when it comes to the album's title. In OneRepublic's wiki page is written that the upcoming third studio album will be entitled as Life In Color but that won't matter if they have finally released an awesome music video for the track? On August 28 2012, One Republic released a music video for their new track titled "Feel Again". It's a good song for the lonely soul who is still wandering out there. Listen to it. It will make your numb heart feels love again because they put so many colorful lights in the video. Very colorful that I was blinded by awe and happiness.And one more thing that is good about this song is they will donate a portion of the proceeds from the sales of the single to Save the Children's Every Beat Matters campaign to support training frontline health workers around the world OneRepublic always produces amazing quality songs and that's why I've been keep an eye for another update about the album.Good job, Ryan.
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