October 20, 2012
October 16, 2012
Monday Couple Forever
I Can't Help
When I said "I have enough" eventually I didn't mean that at all because after that something happened for the very first time. He confessed his heart to me even though words related to love sound like another cliche to my ears nowadays but the heart of mine which had been longing for so long couldn't deny the temptation, the love that might cause another pain.
Just like another boy, all that he could gurantee was promises. Promise not to leave, promise to keep this thing works out. I'm fine with that even though I'd rather believe that promises are made to be broken, I too believe that no matter how nice people is, they would leave sometimes someday and forgot all those shit they had given.
But people is vulnerable when they in love and I agree. Everything that I had believed for the very first time now seem to blur. The fact that one day he would get bored and left is not scary at all compare to the fact that I might not feel the way I feel now is scarier.
I feel really stupid to fall even deeper when I'm a believer of people would walk out of your life. I feel more like an idiot to stay, to experience this when I believe there'll be a moment when I cry myself to sleep for someone whom I fall for eventually have enough of me. But I really don't know how to stop. I can't help but fall.
October 14, 2012
Late Night Text : Promise I wish You'd Keep
"...NO! I won't leave..."Oct 14 2012, 11:45:12 p.m
How can I not love you that much if your words are deadly sweet? How can I prepare for the worst if you keep saying you won't leave at the end of the day when I believe everyone will leave eventually ?
October 11, 2012
10.11.2012
To eventually feel the rain drop fell on your skin was just an amazing experience.
I should consider today as a special occasion in order that this was the first day Surabaya had finnaly rained even though it was just drizzle.
Rain never lets you forget. They want you to remember. That's why rain could bring people a flashback and I wouldn't refuse, I want to remember things from the rainy days
I should consider today as a special occasion in order that this was the first day Surabaya had finnaly rained even though it was just drizzle.
Rain never lets you forget. They want you to remember. That's why rain could bring people a flashback and I wouldn't refuse, I want to remember things from the rainy days
October 06, 2012
Scent, Brown, You, Me
It's not giving up. It means that I have enough.
The facts are everywhere but this time I need to call your bluff
Do you not know that we are far beyond the line?
and you still think that it is fine.
Brown. Yes brown.
The color of my days.
I'm liking it as always.
Song.
A good company
I always sing
And you sing the same song as me
Of course I'm letting it be
But I never thought this is what would gonna be
You started it first and I followed your game
Boy, you took aim
And it's a shame
Everything is the same
You do this often
Your game even has particular pattern
And no doubt I've fallen
Even deeper
I'm struggling to figure this one out
But you're always trying to make it right when it's not
And now I've had enough of your scent
I get a pen
To draw a vivid line
I've had enough with the color brown
I'll look away
No longer wanting to be drowned
I've had enough of the melody in the song
I don't wanna be haunted all night long
I'll put off my earphone
Get rid of you from my bone
I shouldn't have followed your game and I won't
October 02, 2012
October 01, 2012
The Mountain or The Beach?
"What do you like better; Mountain or Beaches?"
And I knew it was going to be Mountain. I know he doesn't like to be under the sunlight. His answer was sort of something that makes me slightly happy. I prefer to go to the Mountain rather than to the beach. I like cold better than hot and maybe so does he.
That question led us to a conversation that we shouldn't ever have. Maybe he would have one of these convo but just not with me, it's definitely not right. Technically I was the one who started first but then he asked where I wanted to go for honeymoon when I got married someday. Casually, I answered that I had always wanted to travel around Europe, especially Italy and unwittingly I changed the subject from 'I' to 'We'.
I said, "We could do a culinary trip to Italy and maybe drop by to Venezuela just to experience Gondola."
He too agreed with me because after that he told me that he would like to travel to Europe as well so he couldn't agree more with my future-plan.
Secretly I asked to my self. What is he doing? Why would he talk about a future with me, I mean, with someone that he has nothing to do with someday when he grows up? Does he really mean it? Does he really want to go around the world, riding a Gondola, eating italian cuisine? I mean WITH JUST ME?
Where would I find the answers? I decided to agree with 'He just playing around. He's faking it." But still, when someone talk about his future which you are not exactly gonna be part of it, How would you feel about it? I chose to be blunt.
After that we babbled a lot about our fake future plan. He said that we could go to the Italy just to eat and then took some romantic walk and yes, he didn't forget about the mountain part. He chose to stay in a private bungalow at the forest, on one of those mountain in Europe. He had a great taste for a place to stay but we didn't even know wether there is a mountain in europe or not but yeah I mean we are faking it you know!
Up until this moment when I'm typing this random post, I still don't know how I feel about that conversation. I mean yes it's confusing. but maybe it's better to just let it be. let the confusing thing to go find its answer while I don't know what to do.
And I knew it was going to be Mountain. I know he doesn't like to be under the sunlight. His answer was sort of something that makes me slightly happy. I prefer to go to the Mountain rather than to the beach. I like cold better than hot and maybe so does he.
That question led us to a conversation that we shouldn't ever have. Maybe he would have one of these convo but just not with me, it's definitely not right. Technically I was the one who started first but then he asked where I wanted to go for honeymoon when I got married someday. Casually, I answered that I had always wanted to travel around Europe, especially Italy and unwittingly I changed the subject from 'I' to 'We'.
I said, "We could do a culinary trip to Italy and maybe drop by to Venezuela just to experience Gondola."
He too agreed with me because after that he told me that he would like to travel to Europe as well so he couldn't agree more with my future-plan.
Secretly I asked to my self. What is he doing? Why would he talk about a future with me, I mean, with someone that he has nothing to do with someday when he grows up? Does he really mean it? Does he really want to go around the world, riding a Gondola, eating italian cuisine? I mean WITH JUST ME?
Where would I find the answers? I decided to agree with 'He just playing around. He's faking it." But still, when someone talk about his future which you are not exactly gonna be part of it, How would you feel about it? I chose to be blunt.
After that we babbled a lot about our fake future plan. He said that we could go to the Italy just to eat and then took some romantic walk and yes, he didn't forget about the mountain part. He chose to stay in a private bungalow at the forest, on one of those mountain in Europe. He had a great taste for a place to stay but we didn't even know wether there is a mountain in europe or not but yeah I mean we are faking it you know!
Up until this moment when I'm typing this random post, I still don't know how I feel about that conversation. I mean yes it's confusing. but maybe it's better to just let it be. let the confusing thing to go find its answer while I don't know what to do.
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