December 31, 2013


i'm afraid i'll be the book no one reads,
music that no one listen to anymore.
i'm afraid i'll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater


December 24, 2013

Spark On A Wet Log

My best friend told me that I shouldn't take a relationship too seriously regarding my predicament. "Just feel the spark. Don't let it burn you," She said. Then a question popped up in my head,

How there would be a spark if you ignite the fire on a wet log?

December 08, 2013

Look Good Together

" guys look good together." doesn't mean you can really end up together in real life.

Just Get Married

Jaesuk : "You two are acting like Newlyweds."
Jihyo : "Some elder just told us to get married." 

Not only some elder you've met, eonnie. Even the whole world want you guys to get married.

December 04, 2013

Give Up

I wish I was living the life like one of those in fan fictions. Where there was someone telling him not to give up on me. I bet it could have been different.

But I live in reality where he put his hands up, not to celebrate our reunion but to give up on me, on us.

December 03, 2013

Kang Gary Cheated On Monday Couple

Okay the title is kinda exaggerating lol. He is not literally cheating because there is no monday couple in real time, right? So he's not considered as cheating. He just kissed a fangirl while they were playing pepero game in the middle of Leessang's first Asia show case in Singapore (11/30). I bet he didnt even have the intention to make the entire female fan envy that one lucky girl that night. I think, his Leessang's partner, Gil had something to do with this accident and heck yes. He shoved Gary's head a little and caused him to plant a kiss to the that one lucky woman.

Well Monday Couple almost kissed as well when they played the same game during the Running Man episode with Uee. The netizen even said that their upper lips touched, that considered as kissing too, right? lol
 Experience the undesireable of jealousy^^

Can't I Love Again?

I used to love so much to the point I could almost forget the pain he always gave.
I used to love so much up until this heart is resistant to the ignorance he used to have.
I used to love him, so much, up until I did not want to move on and feeling happy just to keep him in my heart alive.
As stupid as it is, I used to love him so much to the point I did not want him to come back because I would always let him in back again.
I used to love so much until now I just realized, I have no more love to give.
I surprise myself by finding out that I really quit falling in love.

Hey, God, can’t I love again?

November 19, 2013

Ready To Love?

P.S :

 To love is to fall. To fall is to be hurt.
 So, are you ready?


oh been awhile since the last time i wrote.
I just wanted to update about my oh-not-so-nteresting life.
Someone has been building his bridge to reach me. I should be glad and I was, I mean for the first couple weeks, I was happy to realize that finally someone is still taking notice on me.
But sadly I've reached the stage where i'm sick of love.

Sick of trying. Sick of falling. Im just sick of the whole idea of it.

Yet on the other hand, half of me still want to try. I guess im just afraid that if he ask me out, and we get together, in the end it wouldn't work just like the old times and i will end up crushed for the nth time.

So yeah that's my status quo.

October 10, 2013


jangan sampai ketiadaan menjadikan kamu lemah,
karena ketiadaan sepatutnya memberi arti lebih dari sekedar bersedih hati.
lately, i feel so dead, lifeless, kalau dirunut per waktu, rasanya ini titik kulminasi paling rendah dari merasa hampa.
oh well..
I’ve been complaining too much lately, no wonder I feel lifeless.
I really have a great life up to the point of nonchalant.
hey, this is just too plain.
I need to fall in love again soon, God.

October 08, 2013

Brief Occasion

It's only a brief occasion but it hurts. A lot.


Dan ketika aku yakin semuanya akan baik-baik saja karena sebelumnya pun memang seperti itu. Namun  ketika momen aku kembali meminjam bahunya untuk bersandar, kenyataan menamparku untuk sekian kalinya, ia mengedikkan bahu dan geraknya meninggalkan kesan hampa. Seperti sunyi sebelum bencana. Mulai dari situ aku merasa tidak diinginkan. Aku kembali diusir agar kembali ke tempatku semula. Iya, di zona yang pernah kusebut sebelumnya

September 14, 2013

Tiny Space

the difference between girl friend and girlfriend is that little tiny space they call the friend zone
Well it seems that tiny space is where I am now.

Running Man Practicing Idol's Dance

it's been ages, guys since I posted about Running Man. Well blame my routine. It's taken a lot of my time to study and bla bla bla and I dont get the time to watch Running Man as often as I used to. But I just watched the latest episode, 162 and it's suoer funny especially the opening part when they got to dance the idol's choreography.
I was excited enough to know that bunch of Idol was about to come out on Running Man, such as Beast, Infinite, MBLAQ, 2pm, sistar, apink, girl's day and so on. Please correct if I forget to mention another band. I loved when Gary was trying to dance Apink's no no no. His move, his hips even was sooo aww i dont even know how to put it to words lol. He was so immersed and so sync to the two girls from Apink, naeun and eunji. The second best was jong kook with sistar. Tho he danced a feminin sexy dance but he danced well and caused everyone embarassment.
There's a reason why they could dance as well as the idol and take a look at this video. Enjoy!^^

September 07, 2013

Coldplay For The Hunger Games : Catching Fire's Soundtrack

Shout if you're excited for the movie! Jump like a looney if you're excited for coldplay's comeback!
Haha so I guess i have to jump and shout because i'm excited for both of them, not only for the movie but also for the song. I mean it's coldplay! it's been a long time since they released Mylo Xyloto and now they're back with this single called Atlas. Written by coldplay itself for the movie that would be release on November 22nd this year and that is a long time to wait.

Folks on youtube are also as excited as i am. Some is excited because it's colpayd and the others are excited because it's coldplay for catching fire. Haha so let's jump to conclusion that everyone is still excited for coldplay. There's someone said that this song sounded like a mixture of the old coldplay and the Mylo Xyloto Coldplay. Though it sounds like a mixture, there was also a comment that this song gave them chill. I haven't lisened to it on repeat because i cant find the free download link yet so here i am, just raping the replay button on their vevo youtube channel :)

I'll carry your world

Here it is guys, Atlas by Coldplay for The Hunger Games : Catching Fire.

August 25, 2013

I think That Possibly, Maybe I'm Falling For You

I know, I know. I have posted things about giving up on this shitty one sided love before, but now I come up with something corny. I sound ridiculously hypocrite, but yes there's that possibility I may be falling for him, quite hard. according to the fact that no matter how shitty it is, weirdly, I keep on wishing, yeah wishing that we would meet more often, talk more frequent.

August 20, 2013

Summer Love

Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons. But when all is said and done, they have one thing in common: They are shooting stars-a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they're gone.
- The Notebook

My Summer Time

I thought summer only happens in four seasons countries.
I never thought that summerlove would also happen here
but here is the sad fact once the holiday ends, so does the love.

August 05, 2013

Meet My Partner In Crime

I'm not only waiting for the storm to pass, I'm breakdancing under the rain

I dont literally dance to get through my problem. I dont  know how to dance even. Lol. All I know how to forget the pain is to have fun,act crazy in the middle of party, being the weirdo that people stare at, laugh like i'm the only person who have no problem and I don't ride solo. I have partner in crime, name Hana.

Monday Couple Fan Fiction

Praise The Lord! Finally I found what I've been looking for. Something to satisfy my hunger over Monday Couple. Here's to those who have been in a long search as I had.

Click here

August 03, 2013


All night long i'd been thinking the word 'last' and I hated it.
It seemed that the most selfish thing in life was time

It's ticking too fast, too selfish and dragging everyone who doesn't wanna miss anything

I'm definitely gonna miss my high school life

July 28, 2013

Saturday, July 27th 2013

The first time I felt good about my self.
I had my hair done, I wore skirt and heels. Lol. I may think that i'd act like a girl but nah dont picture me like that. I acted like idiot that day haha but fuck it, I didnt care what people might think about me in Sheilla's party that night. I had fun.

July 27, 2013

It's just me

They say it's not forgetting that makes us move on. It's about accepting reality. I know it sounds like I haven't got over it yet. I don't deny that sometimes I experience flashback. Memories drag me to the place that I dont want to go, take me to the time I don't want to remember but I know it's just me missing the old moments instead of missing you.

June 17, 2013

Let Them

Let 'em have their time
Sit back and let 'em shine
Let 'em rise and rise
Cause one day they're gonna fall

Let 'em soak in the sun
Sit back and let 'em have their fun
Let 'em spill their guts
Cause one day they're gonna slip on 'em

Interlude: Moving On, Paramore

after 2 years

June 14, 2013

Never Have I Been So Wrong

here is the recent question of my life

Did I just get dumped by somebody that I wasn't even in a relationship with?
and..this is what i'm gonna do due to the existence of those bastards. I'll play game called..

pretend they are total strangers.
Im sorry if I sound like a spiteful with a big ego but everyone deserves to be happy, including me and this is the only way I know. This won't get me happiness but I'm just glad that it could bring numbness, blunt or whatever. The point is I dont wanna get hurt that much.

June 07, 2013

Maafkan dan Terima Kasih

pasti akan lenyap lalu sirna
pudar perlahan kemudian punah
namun aku takut akan ada yang tersisa
tidak sepenuhnya hilang
karena sebenarnya aku masih mencoba

mencoba untuk menjauh
mencoba untuk tidak jatuh
mencoba untuk memaafkan diriku
yang sudah menghampirimu
menghias harimu
namun pangkal bukan bahagia
karena akhirnya
aku menjatuhkanmu
menghapus goresan warna dalam harimu

maafkan akan badai yang kuberi
maaf tentang kelabu yang menghampiri
sekali lagi..
maafkan daku yang tak pasti
maafkan setiap langkah yang kuambil untuk pergi

jika tidak begini
mungkin bukan bahagia yang akan kau temui
karena perubahan hanya akan membayangi
seperti cuaca, aku pun dapat berubah
siapa sangka kau akan berubah pula nantinya

jika boleh,
sesungguhnya aku tak ingin pergi
mengurungkan niat untuk angkat kaki
tapi nampaknya aku hanya akan menajdi beban hati
sebaiknya aku berhenti
maafkan dan terima kasih

June 06, 2013

Sleeping With Sirens' Sorry

Thanks to my friend who had introduced me to this amazing band.
Sleeping With Sirens
Though, most of their songs have some scream, squealing and whatever that could hurt my ear but I've listened to their acoustic EP called If You Were a Movie, This Would Be Your Soundtrack and I fall in love with Kellin's voice instantly.
Here is one of the songs from their brand new album that has just been released this 4th of June, Feel.


I've been thinking lately about you and me,
And all the questions left unanswered,
How it all could be.

And I hope you know,
You never left my head,
And if I ever let you down,
I'm sorry.




I see you around here lately,
You smile brighter than you should.
And me I've been so lonely,
I'm glad you're doing good.

Cause' I can't forget,
The way you used to be,
And if I ever let you down,
Well I'm sorry.


No I cant let you go...

And you know that you can take all of me,
I swear I will be better than before,
So sing it back.


I'm sorry for the things I've done,
Things I've done.

I'm sorry for the man I was,
and how I treated you.

I'm sorry for the things I've done,
Things I've done.

I'm sorry for the man I was,
and how I treated you.


No I can't let you go...

And you know that you can take all of me,
I swear I will be better than before,
So sing it back.


No I can't let you go...

I've been thinking lately about you and me,
And all the questions left unanswered,
How it all could be.

And I hope you know,
You never left my head,
And if I ever let you down,
I'm sorry.

Feel the lyric eh? Download here

May 31, 2013


Everything is made to be broken.
No matter what it is, everything has an end.
And I had been too confident. Therefore I forgot that the thing we had, could also be broken.

May 17, 2013

What is it

What is it when you know you can't trust anybody anymore but you keep going, you're staying?

May 03, 2013

Hayley Williams Retweeted Me on Twitter

Yesterday I got this from him. Super excited because the album's epicness is just more than the issue. It's frickin E.P.I.C :))

And this afternoon, I post it on twitter and mention hayley just so she knows that I already got the cd and she retweeted. Perfect timing ! :))


Ketika sebagian besar takut akan hantu
Takut akan makhluk berbulu
Takut akan sesuatu yang mengganggu
sedangkan aku membisu
Tertegun karena bukan hal itu takutku
Mendapati ia tidak lagi menunggu
Mungkin akan lebih seram dari hantu
Mengetahui ia kehilangan rasa untukku
Mungkin bagai bertemu pembunuh
Tidak memiliki kesempatan untuk mengungkapan
Apa yang selama ini tertahan
Bagai dirayapi ulat bulu
Membayangkan ia pergi
Rasanya bukan hanya teror yang menghampiri
Dan yang lebih mengerikan lagi
Jika alasanmu tersenyum bukanlah aku ini

April 20, 2013


Aku Hanya Aku

Di tengah hiruknya jagad raya
Di tengah padatnya manusia
Aku...merasa hanya aku
Tidak ada yang benar-benar bisa mengembalikan isi gelasku kembali ke semula

Go Ahead, Draw Your Past

"My past may have been dark, my past may have been tough but if I can love my past, if I can draw a picture of my memory, then I go forward."

(....) Fill In The Blank

orang bilang semua tak lengkap tanpa nama
tanpa judul, baris sajak dikata tak indah
namun boleh kan untuk kali ini aku tak searah?

April 12, 2013

Sides of The Fence

I'm on both sides of the fence, stuck between yes or no.
I don't want to get hurt but on the other side, I also don't want to let go.
Is that what people called selfish or so?

March 27, 2013

I Like This S#*!

"Now that I'm already an adult, I have realized that things end for a reason... Sure, the letting go of the things you have been attached to throughout every experience might take some time and might not be that easy, but what you can do to ease it up is hope for the best... At the end of the day, everything happens for a reason."

March 25, 2013


Remember when Edward Cullen answered bella's question?

How long have you been seventeen?
Then he said, "awhile"

On the other side, I wish I could be seventeen twice, if I knew it'd be this great but unfortunately i'm only human, not vampire or werewolf. So yeah I'll try my best to enjoy, cherish of being 17.

Before this, The only birthday wish I could ask for is to have time machine so I could go back back in time where I could change all of my choices but if I had chosen differently, I wouldn't have met this amazing people.

So 17, will be the start of something new. The start of me who will be more thankful, thoughtful, cheerful. Thank you God for giving me the chance to experience this amazing numbers of my age. Thank you very much

March 21, 2013

March 21st

one of those days, happy days.
when my age turned to 17 and I had it on holiday, on a trip to Bromo Mountain.

Thanks for the surprise the wishes, the surprise and the trip

March 09, 2013

Love Brighten Dimmed-Light

People who have had those lights dimmed inside them, when they fall in love they get brighter.
-Teresa  Palmer

Hari ini dadaku bergetar
Terguncang memilu dan mengerang
Ku yakin ku tak salah
Karna hatiku tak pernah dan takkan berdusta

Cinta cinta cinta
Aku jatuh cinta

Esoknya ku pikir rasa itu
Akan menghilang dengan seiring waktu
Namun ternyata tak berubah
Aku makin tergiur pada dirimu

Cinta cinta cinta
Aku jatuh cinta

Dan seterusnya rasa ini selalu terjadi
Dan tak pernah berkurang
Hatiku hanya untuk dirimu
Aku bahagia hanya bila kamu bahagia

Esoknya ku pikir rasa itu
Akan menghilang dng seiring waktu
Namun ternyata tak berubah
Aku makin tergiur pada dirimu

March 03, 2013

Not Dominos But Clapping Hands

I don't want a love that is like domino.
When I fall for you, you fall for someone else.
I want it like clapping hands.
When I wanna be closer to you, you want it too.

February 28, 2013

My First Confession

are you gonna believe in me if I told you that I feel something for you?
Feb 26th 2013, 15:30 p.m

The weight had been lifted up from my shoulder eventually. No ore burden I had to hold cause it had been said~


February 23, 2013

Lilin Tanpa Api

Kamu yang di sana tidak akan tahu
Jauh di balik semua ini ada rindu
Yang manis tapi terbelenggu
Terkurung ragu diikat malu

Aku, insan yang selalu menunggu
Penyimpan rindu
yang memekakkan
Meski rapi tersimpan
daku tak pernah enggan

Walau dirimu surya, aku rembulan
disitulah rindu hanya kata tanpa tuan
Karena sesungguhnya rembulan tak berlengan
Maka rindu sekedar kata tanpa tuan
Kita tidak bisa dipertemukan
bahkan disatukan

Kau tidak tahu meski semesta hiruk
bulan terpaku sepi
Meski gugusan bintang menemani
Begitulah diriku ketika rindu
Bagai lilin tanpa api

Are You The Light?

You. Yes, You.
I thought you were gonna be the light at the end of my tunnel but why the journey takes time, like long time to get to the end?
While the patient, the will to wait is running out like hell. The more I wait, The more lonesome I get.

They told me to try, indeed I've tried yet I feel like, this thing is going nowhere but around and around with no results, no reactions, only me who's trying.

So...up until now I don't know what I should I do when honestly I think you are the only thing I could hope for, the only light I wish I could see at the end of my tunnel.

February 14, 2013

Feb 14 :)

February 14th this year wasn't that bad.
Today I got two bars of chocolate, two bars, everyone. Two bars was enough to ruin my diet with the love and affection from the chocolate they gave me. the white one was from one of the girls who previously planned to have choco-switch, ermm i don't know how to name it in english but the point is everyone get chocolate from others. Also, friend from jakarta sent me a picture, a sweet one and it was the highlite of the day. Those things are proof that val day is not always about couple or lovers; friends, mates can also give chocolate to others.

You made my day, mates. Thank you for the love and the affection. May love always surrounds us in anyday, anytime.

January 25, 2013


Since you left I'm always sad
Being sad seems not to be enough
I find a place to be sad
In front of the dark house
Inside the car
In front of your house

After love is lost what is left is emptied you and me
We are night and day that can't be together
Only thing we share is loneliness
You get drunk and come to me to say
that you want to sleep with me tonight
Tell me that you've missed me in my arms
Ask me why i'm so busy and cry without sound
Say you're just saying it and you trust me
You were always by my side but everything becomes longing now

Tears I shed on a narrow driveway
Tears I shed without anyone seeing
I try not to become weak
My tears

Tears I shead in front of of the steps in front of the house
Tears I wiped so that you wouldnt know
I try not to become weak
My tears

There is more hate between us than love
We don't see each other for awhile after fighting
We wanted a lot from each other
because we couldn't live without each other
I'm like a dot on your body
Can't eat it
I fight with you and make it up with a kiss
The hands we held while driving
I think about everything
It's nervous to be without you
I go blank after letting you go
I don't like the world changing
I take out your memories
Your name, face, laugh, scent
There are too many memories you left me with
There is too much soul you have left me with
It still breathes and come finds me
I break it with the word, love

Tears I shed on a narrow driveway
Tears I shed without anyone seeing
I try not to become weak
My tears

Tears I shead in front of of the steps in front of the house
Tears I wiped so that you wouldnt know
I try not to become weak
My tears

My tears tears tears
Again tears tears tears
Again silently – I don’t wanna know
My memories are all spreading

Tears I shed on a narrow driveway
Tears I shed without anyone seeing
I try not to become weak
My tears

Tears I shead in front of of the steps in front of the house
Tears I wiped so that you wouldnt know
I try not to become weak
My tears

Tears (눈물), Leessang ft Eugin 'The Seeya

Tears: Leesang Comeback

They're back yeah I mean them, Leessang, The South Korean rap duo has made their come back with a very heart-wrecking single titled Tears(눈물). A video has been uploaded on January 24 and the single itself ranked 3rd in Melon site only in an hour after it's been released.

Though it's a ballad kinda song but Gary really did it again this time with his rap that he wrote himself. Gil as usual balanced all of the element with his addictive-husky voice and the duo decided to put some sweet voice of The Seeya's Eugene and the piano is by singer-songwriter, Yoon Gun This truly a whole package of a heart-broken hip-hop track that I'm sure I'd be addicted to it soon or later because you know, self is a broken-hearted :')

Click here to download the mp3


January 15, 2013

Six Degrees of Separation

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little

Day 60

Hi there again, I never thought that I'd be writing about this shit again but yeah here I am.

It's been 60 days and it's not been that easy, took a lot of effort also tears.
Like what has happened today. Suddenly I miss him, I miss everything from the old days but I'm stuck between pride and the fact that I'd be so dumb for missing the part that not been appreciated by him. In matter of fact, I try not to care.

I miss you but I'm trying not to care anymore

I hope this only lasts for awhile.

January 14, 2013


I guess It might not of been love at all. Maybe I could of just been in love with the idea of being in love.

But you're still the ocean that I longing for

January 07, 2013

January 01, 2013

Page 1

Nope. I'm texting no one but you ;)
Dec 29, 2012. 09:51:24p.m

Yeah crazy or not, someone from the past suddenly came out of nowhere and been there for me when I need an escape. We text each other till late but not frequently and that is why I feel weird when little me suddenly longing for his name to be appeared on my phone's screen.

What's wrong with me? Has my heart healed? it just a method to distract me so I wouldn't be sad over my past? I can't even figure it out yet. I'm just happy that he texts me. it real, another crush or..just an escape?